Has my PND harmed my baby? So worried

[SallyComeLately]

I'm very worried. I have a 10 week old baby and I've had very bad PND that I'm just now treating with Sertaline (still breastfeeding) I was in a very dark place and it was at it's worst on Xmas evening, my baby's first Christmas .
What I want to know is, have I harmed his brain development and damaged his future because of how I have been with him? I feel so guilty, I can't eat or sleep. It's eating me up. Will he be alright? Has anyone had experience of this? Please help.

[mizzles]

Hi Sally

Is your baby fed, roughly the right temperature and getting his nappy changed? Are you keeping him alive and healthy on a basic physical level? If so, you are doing brilliantly and he is fine. I am so sorry that you have had PND and that you are worrying about this. A 10 week old baby has very little idea of what's going on. Please don't worry about this. But, excitingly, he is about to start becoming a bit more aware of the world, so as the treatment starts to kick in, you might find it a bit easier to engage with him. Please have a chat with your health visitor about it: I am sure they will be able to reassure you too. X

[SallyComeLately]

Thank you

[Sipperskipper]

Hello. I also had PND, and it was the absolute pits. The first weeks of my daughter’s life were the worst of mine, which I know sounds awful. I spent a long time thinking I didn’t love her. I did what I needed (fed, changed, cuddled etc), but felt nothing. I too took Sertraline and it saved me.

DD is now 18 months old, and I am so in love with her. We have the most wonderful bond, and so much fun together. She has no idea how I felt, and it hasn’t affected her at all.

When I was in the midst of PND, and worrying the same as you, my mum told me she had also suffered,but with psychosis too. She had awful thoughts, and was very ill. Needless to say, she was treated, recovered, and I had a wonderful childhood with her - I had no idea about this until DD was born. My mum is still my very best friend, and favourite person (apart from DH!) to spend time with.

[SallyComeLately]

@sipperskipper Thank you so much! Everything you've said about PND has rung so true with me and everything else you said is so reassuring! I feel more positive having read it.

[Sipperskipper]

I’m glad. It’s horrible when you are in the middle of it, doubting yourself for everything - but as I said, none of it has affected my bond with DD.

And you are doing amazingly to be continuing to breastfeed too, despite having felt so bad. Wishing you all the best and hope you feel better really soon.