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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Do you make your kids say "sorry" when they have been naughty?

62 replies

SpinedMicrathena · 28/06/2007 08:04

That's it really. Please discuss.

childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/qt/sorry.htm

OP posts:

Report

WaynettaSlob · 28/06/2007 08:08

Yes I do. But I also make sure he knows what he's saying sorry for, and why, and the impact his action has had on me (or his brother / father).

I've noticed lately that he'll do something and then straightaway say "sorry ", totally insincerely, thinking that that will get him off the hook...as if!

redfairymagic · 28/06/2007 08:10

I don't make them say sorry as I feel that actions speak louder than words. Mine are 7 and 10 so they get to think about what they have done and then tell me why it was wrong.

When they were little a hug for the person (ususally me) that they had upset worked wonders.

Nemo2007 · 28/06/2007 08:10

Also make mine apologise if they havedone something. I think its polite to if you have done something wrong. Ds is 3.8yrs and usually apologises after time out..he tries to get out of it by shouting SOrry sorry which he doesnt actually mean but is more wanting to avoid time out. DD1 is 18mths and if she hits ds etc I do ask her to say sorry or give him a kis sorry.

Whoooosh · 28/06/2007 08:15

I do.
DD is just over two and already resists saying sorry Like Waynetta I explain why what she did was wrong and what the impact of what she did had.

southeastastra · 28/06/2007 08:25

i imagine most parents do what the article says anyway, common sense

MrMaloryTowers · 28/06/2007 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

casbie · 28/06/2007 08:30

i make my three say sorry, a kiss and a hug later, and then they're off to play again.

it just gives a finallity to the whole naughty-thing and gives everyone a smile.

once, they have said sorry and meant it, it's never mentioned again. what really gets on my nerves is when parents go on and on and on at their children and when their children ignore their parents, the parents just give up! they'll never learn anything that way!

bozza · 28/06/2007 08:30

I make mine apologise to each other. In our rather small bathroom the other day DS decided he wanted to get to the small handtowel before DD who was already on her way to dry her hands and so shoved her into the toilet. I made him say sorry.

schneebly · 28/06/2007 08:32

same as malory here

SpinedMicrathena · 28/06/2007 08:49

Do you think it is humiliating for a child to be made to say he/she is sorry? Or do you think it teaches them normal acceptable polite behaviour?

DH thinks the former. I think the latter.

I accept (of course) that you should also explain to the child what he/she has done wrong or nothing can be learned. But, I do not think not apologising should be an option. When you are mean to people, you should say you are sorry.

OP posts:

slowreader · 28/06/2007 09:22

Yes, but I think it has to work both ways and you have to say sorry to them when necessary.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 28/06/2007 09:24

SM but surely a small amount of humiliation (like saying sorry) teaches them that their behaviour was not acceptable and maybe not to do it again??

its like as adults, you bump into someone and say sorry, if a child does something wrong they sould say sorry and understand why.....dd put a box on a childs head last night, the mother told the child off......i said it was dd and dd piped up from round the corner 'i'm sorry!'...she's 2.7yo i dont think theres any problem with that!

Diplidophus · 28/06/2007 09:35

Yes I do when he returns from the naughty corner and he has to say what he's sorry for (normally hitting mummy).

Problem is is that he likes the whole drama and make-up. IT stops his behaviour but it's isn't stopping him doing it again as I think he likes the whole kiss and make up side.

He's 2.5.

edam · 28/06/2007 09:49

I do but not sure how to cope with ds when he says 'sorry' straight away as a pre-emptive measure. I try to explain why he's been told off, but he's not really taking it in, he thinks saying sorry lets him off the hook and is off to the next activity. And if I stop him it all gets far too huge as an issue.

Don't think there's anything wrong with saying sorry at all, very important to apologise for hurting others, esp. in our culture where people expect other people to say 'sorry'. But of course with children 'sorry' is not enough on its own, you have to explain why whatever they did is wrong and how it affected the person they hit/offended/whatever.

I thought everyone did this, though, so not sure why the article has been written. Are there lots of parents around who just insist on 'say sorry' without an explanation? Haven't come across them.

FluffyMummy123 · 28/06/2007 09:49

Message withdrawn

nooka · 28/06/2007 09:50

I think that sorry is like please and thank you. Good manners, and I have no problem with "forcing" them to say these words. I won't go on and on about it, but I do think it is important. Also if you get into the habit of it earlier, it's easy to keep it up for the rest of your life. But then as an English person, perhaps it's more of a cultural thing (given that that link is to an American site it might think differently perhaps)

jackie2kids · 28/06/2007 12:36

I don't focus on the sorry as like others have said the word itself doesn't mean anything. Also stressing about saying sorry can distract the child from what they did that was wrong int he first place, so they learn nothing.

Getting a 2 yr old to say sorry is meaningless.

cornsilk · 28/06/2007 12:45

I try to. Ds2 will, ds1 won't.

casbie · 28/06/2007 16:51

i make sure my 23 mth old gives the older children a cuddle after being told off. you don't need to say 'sorry' to mean it.

also, i say sorry to them too, if i've done something wrong. that is very humbling!!

OrmIrian · 28/06/2007 16:53

Only when their being 'naughty' has involved hurting or upsetting someone.

Oblomov · 28/06/2007 16:56

I am torn on this issue, becasue I think it is polite, but alos like Cod it should come from the heart, and like waynetta, ds(3.5) seems to be saying sorry without even meaning it - and that is kind of worse.

meandmyflyingmachine · 28/06/2007 16:56

I get them to say what they did, and why they shouldn't have done it (or vice versa for sins of omission). And if they have hurt or upset someone else, then yes, I expect them to apologise.

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mosschops30 · 28/06/2007 16:57

Yes I do, but then I always say sorry to them if ive cocked up, or tripped over them or something, the respect has to work both ways

Oblomov · 28/06/2007 16:57

Ds bit a child at nursery today. I was shocked and upset. He said, But i said Sorry.

meandmyflyingmachine · 28/06/2007 16:58

Gosh yes. I apologise to them too. It is polite surely?

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