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please help me out tonight. ds1 (nearly 4) is just so draining right now.

(41 Posts)
oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:06:28

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colditz Tue 26-Jun-07 22:08:18

<<pat pat>>

four year old boys

heartwrenchingly beautiful, frighteningly irritating.

give him some time on his own with you away from his brother?

FrannyandZooey Tue 26-Jun-07 22:08:36

<pats hand>

that sounds grim

I bet you are a saint, as well

do you think there are any other issues here, for instance this sensory thing? or do you think it is all just difficult behaviour getting harder to deal with as he gets older / more strong willed

SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:09:41

milk and sugar?

sounds like a lot of hard work. has anything changed lately? new school/nursery? is he tired?

SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:10:18

oh, does he get a run every day? a bounce on the bed will work as a stand in I find.

SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:11:49

I'm so glad ds has silent tantrums

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:16:42

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oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:17:31

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oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:18:53

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SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:22:06

oh oops I know the feeling so well.

school broke up for dd last week, but ds1 still goes to nursery because I need to do some work and can't do that with 3 of them. both went to nursery when I just had to look after ds2.

he does the shoe thing too actually. I usually sit him on the settee and offer to do this one if he does that one.

sounds like your ds is harder work than mine at the mo though. hope it's a phase.

can you put him to bed earlier?

FrannyandZooey Tue 26-Jun-07 22:24:23

Is this sensory thing indicative of anything? It is jumping out at me from your posts

no kissing or cuddling
says you are hurting him if you touch him
can't stand clothes on
hates getting wet
won't wear shoes

apologies if I am talking crap but is there something going on here other than 4 year old problems? Is it worth asking on the SN board?

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:26:19

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SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:32:14


I'd really like to be the calm chilled out mother you are, but I'm not. I hate it but I do lose it sometimes and shout at ds1 and dd in a way I am not proud of. but I am calm most of the time.

not that I'm suggesting you do that, but maybe the calm parents you compare yourself to are not all they appear to be?

SenoraPostrophe Tue 26-Jun-07 22:34:47

and re bedtime - ok then, how about a set half hour for "quiet time" (i.e. a replacement nap) early in the afternoon? it helps dd.

FrannyandZooey may also have a point but it is my experience that many children dislike clothes and shoes. dd has also been through stages of not liking kissing, but not ds. It never ceases to amaze me how different children are in fact.

JetPeanut Tue 26-Jun-07 22:34:57

Just wanted to add my sympathy. They can really really drain us, even to the point where we wish we didn't have them. That's a fact, because we're all human, oops, and there is only so much we can take. You sound like a wonderful mum. Up making craft stuff in the early hours of Sunday? I bet your little boy adores you.

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:41:21

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jajas Tue 26-Jun-07 22:41:51

Oh I so feel for you! I have got twin boys who will be 5 this weekend and we have the constant battles that you do x two! On Sunday my husband said that he sometimes wishes he had never had children and I felt so sad and so down about it as he has never said anything like that before. I really sympathise with you so much but unfortunately don't have much in the way of advice as looking for answers myself. This thread has helped me feel a bit better about our situation, I hope this post helps you a little better about yours.

1dilemma Tue 26-Jun-07 22:42:39

I rant and get shouty too then hate myself. WOuld echo time alone with him IYSWIM.
Shall I put the kettle on?
Also as I said to someone off to bed early because of new baby he will grow up sooo quickly don't beat yourself up too much.

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:42:43

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oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:46:33

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FrannyandZooey Tue 26-Jun-07 22:46:38

oops I do awful shouting when I get too stressed

and ds is NOT a problematic child at all, just a normal 4 year old

please don't make this hard job any harder by putting unrealistic expectations on yourself as well

he sounds like an unusual and bright little boy. I think realising we can have any negative emotions about our children is extremely hard to cope with, especially if you have idealistic views about how we want their childhoods and our parenting to be

Bamzooki Tue 26-Jun-07 22:46:51

Hi - I have a (just) 4 yr old ds - they can be hard work can't they?
One question. Do you know if he behaves in this way with other people? My ds can be very temperamental with me in ways that are designed to create maximum attention from me. My mum says it is very marked - when she looks after them - he is an angel until I get there, whereupon he changes into this attention monster. So just wondering if he acts the same with everyone, or if some of it may be for your benefit as it were.

The other thing that strikes me - is that if it were me - the lack of tactile touch bit would bother me and I would probably try and do some sesssions of touching, like say hand or foot massage if he would allow it, or something small to start with and build from there.
That said - I have no experience with children with sensory issues, so I may be way off with that.

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:52:10

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Nemo2007 Tue 26-Jun-07 22:52:16

Oh oops thank you for DS is 4 in oct and has turned into a complete nightmare. I have found myself shouting at him more for just generally beingf a wind up merchant, pushing and punching the girls and generally being naughty. He is angelic at playgroup and with anyone else so its just at home. I am drained by him at the minute and his cheeky replies, pushing the boundaries, being overly rough and telling me he doenst love me or telling me to go to my room..I usually respond I wish I could!!

I also have dd1 who is 18mths and learning to say no and slap,scratch Ds which just adds to the fun and of course DD2 is teething so past few weeks have been a bit thank you for making me remember it is a phase and I am not alone

oops Tue 26-Jun-07 22:55:03

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