4 Year old not coping with changes

[EandAmummy]

Hi all,

I'm new here so hoping I'm posting in the right place.

My 4 year old really struggles with changes to his expectations. He always has done to some extent, such as when his nursery changed the morning routine from walking in to get breakfast to walking in to play first and breakfast when most children were in. This caused a year of horrible drop offs. When his keyworker wasn't there straight away, horrible drops offs.
We have to warn him when meals are going to be happening or if something is going to change that day.

He became a big brother in August and adores his little brother, but as any older sibling we are seeing a bit more challenging behaviour as he learns how to deal with not being an only child anymore.

We attempted to go to his pre school fair at the weekend. His pre school is part of the nursery he has attended since he was 11 months old. However he freaked that the fair was in other rooms in the nursery and not just preschool. refused to go into the other rooms, had a complete meltdown so we left.

Last night we had said Daddy would do bedtime. However whilst I read him a story (part of his routine is a downstairs story) my youngest fell asleep in Daddy's arms. So we felt Daddy should put down the youngest and I would do bed with the eldest. However, this caused another melt down. So bad that DH stepped in and did bedtime as he'd put my youngest down. (I wish he hadn't but this is an ongoing conversation with DH about giving into tantrums).

Am I on my own with this or can this be put down to typical 4 year old behaviour/becoming an older sibling and trying to find his way?
Feeling quite down about it all.

[strawberryredhead]

I wouldn’t say it’s totally typical behaviour - but then, they’re all different - and can be exhausting in their own unique ways!
My dd also reacted strongly any time there was a change and still does - but in a way that’s a bit different to your child. I do find it very draining at times but I try and remind myself of all her lovely qualities. She’s so sensitive and empathetic to others, and I think some of her struggles also come from that same thing.
All I can think of is that you continue to try to manage the behaviour as best as you can, as you’re already doing - try and minimise changes, try and gently encourage him etc. You may feel like you’re doing it wrong at times but to me it sounds like you’re handling it great. I think you’re maybe just feeling down because it all gets so tiring and it can feel like you’re making no forward progress. But you are, just by being there and being his mum and being consistent, firm, calm and reassuring (as much as that’s possible...no one is all the time!)

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

His inflexibility does sound a bit extreme but then he’s had 2 very big changes in 2 months and 4 year kids are often very tired by this point in the first term.

What’s your gut feeling on his behaviour?