Punish my 6 year old for this or am I over reacting?

[chocolatekimmy]

I am really cross. I went shopping with my daughter (6) and bought a present for her 3 year old sister and at the time talked to her about it being a secret and she musn't tell etc (which she promised).

Then tonight, my three year old told me exactly what she is getting for her birthday (what we bought today) and that her sister told her. When I challenged her she first said she had guessed but almost straight away admitted she had told her but didn't know why.

I was so upset with her and told her she will be punished for it and how its ruined the surprise for the day, imagine how she will feel, how would you feel etc. I dont' think she did it out of malice but I feel as though I need to take some action.

Thing is, I am a bit crap at punishments as it is - often struggle to think of something meaningful and appropriate for the naughty act. Couldn't think of anything tonight but said I will think about it and talk to her again in the morning.

Any ideas or should I just leave it at the lecture?

[shimmy]

just a lecture I'd say. Keeping secrets is almost impossible when you're 6.

[elasticbandstand]

mine would have done it too...
can you change present.. probalby not

[KbearBrockovich]

My DS is almost 6 and can't keep a secret at all so I never tell him any big secrets in case he blows it!! DD is 8 and loves a secret and has no trouble keeping it. I think it's their age. Leave it at the lecture I'd say!

[lemonaid]

I think just the lecture. Secrets are very difficult for 6 year olds.

[pointydog]

I wouldn't punish her. Very hard to keep an excitig secret when you are little. Even when you are big

[BBBee]

my ds 7yr would have done the same too.

she should do as she is told and you can tell her this but I think big ounichments may be too much this time.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[dramaqueen]

You made the mistake by asking her to keep a secret. How many 6 year olds can do that?
and then you want to punish her?

[fireflyfairy2]

No punishment, it was a hard thing you expected her to keep.


Bloody hell, I'm a lot older than 6 & still find it difficult to keep a secret

[chocolatekimmy]

Mmmm, I didn't make a big deal of it at the time, was quite casual and didn't mention it after again at all. Just assumed she would kind of forget about it!

[IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo]

That's the other thing... if you think they will forget, they will manage to bring it up at the less appropiate moment!

Besides... I don't think your 3 year old would be much bothered about the present not being a surprise, actuallyk, she may get a bit dissapointed if she gets a different thing!

[mozhe]

It sems a pretty trivial thing really...couldn't you just apologize for YOUR overeaction and leave it at that....why punish ? unnecessary imo

[musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters]

imo its too late to punish. if you are going to punish for something it needs to be there and then.

i wouldn't have punished for that tho, and prob not even lectured just explained that now it wouldn't be a surprise for her and that presents are supposed to be surprises.

I don't allow 'secrets' anyway

[sep1712]

I know this is a bit deep and off he subjecct but you shouldn't do secrets. If anyone does anything to her and tells her not to tell is will or mummy will be cross again.

[BeSweet]

Too young, IMO. She's six, not sixteen. Don't punish her for being six.

[aimeesmummy]

As you've said you'll punish, I think you have to stick to your word and punish as otherwise they'll pick up that you don't mean what you say - but, can you keep it simple like not watch a favourite tv program or no Saturday sweets?

[UCM]

My DS told me the other day that what he was doing upstairs was a secret. Now I know that he was hiding his dummy because he isn't allowed to have it during the day.

I was more alarmed about the word 'secret'. I spoke to him and said that we don't have secrets in our house.

Speaking to a couple of friends with older children (he is 3) they also don't like that word 'secret'. Is it just me. I used the word 'surprise' for fathers day recently and even though DS dragged his dad to the cupboard where the surprise was.....

[Skribble]

Of course you can have secrets, you just have to explain about different kinds of secrets, ones that make you feel bad and ones that are good, like surprise where the secret will be revealed.

But 6 yr olds can't really keep secrets and rows need to be done there and then not held over them and a punishment handed out at a later time.

I would have just given an explaination at the time of how the surprise was gone now, and how its nice to keep things like presents as a surprise.

[katelyle]

My 6 year old came shopping for a present for his big sister this week, and managed to keep the secret, but only because I made a big deal of lots of "shhh's" and "we've got a secret!" If I had just asked him not to tell her he couldn't have managed it - it would have slipped out, or it just would have been too exciting for him to keep to himself. Don't punish her - it hasn't done any harm.

Oh, and please ignore me and tell me I'm an interfering old bag, but I do't think saying that you'll think about it and come up with a punishment later is a good idea. Straight away or not at all IMHO. Sorry.

[colditz]

Nope. No no no. As someone said, you'll be punishing her for being six. Presumably she will still be six tomorrow.

You can't ask too much of a child, and punish them when they fail. You're just ensuring they can never please you.

[clop]

Will your 3yo actually mind knowing what her present is in advance? I expect not!

[Tortington]

most kids can't hold their own piss - tis your fault for expecting her to - not hers, you should slap your own legs and tidy your room

[lyrabelacqua]

Don't punsih her. Six-year-olds get excited and blurt things out. It's not fair to rake it all up in the morning. I'd forget about it tbh.

[UCM]

So do you all think it's good for kids to have secrets, this is the first time it's come up for me?????

[chocolatekimmy]

Disagree with most of the comments about not having secrets. So long as a child understands the difference between a nice secret and a dangerous/damaging one its fine.

Like I said I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time so I definately didn't have unrealistic expectations, didn't even cross my mind that she would mention it.

Was as I put her to bed that I found out hence nothing at the time, plus I couldn't think of anything anyway and didn't want to rush into anything. Just feel for the little one really.