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Punish my 6 year old for this or am I over reacting?

(34 Posts)
chocolatekimmy Fri 22-Jun-07 22:42:10

I am really cross. I went shopping with my daughter (6) and bought a present for her 3 year old sister and at the time talked to her about it being a secret and she musn't tell etc (which she promised).

Then tonight, my three year old told me exactly what she is getting for her birthday (what we bought today) and that her sister told her. When I challenged her she first said she had guessed but almost straight away admitted she had told her but didn't know why.

I was so upset with her and told her she will be punished for it and how its ruined the surprise for the day, imagine how she will feel, how would you feel etc. I dont' think she did it out of malice but I feel as though I need to take some action.

Thing is, I am a bit crap at punishments as it is - often struggle to think of something meaningful and appropriate for the naughty act. Couldn't think of anything tonight but said I will think about it and talk to her again in the morning.

Any ideas or should I just leave it at the lecture?

shimmy Fri 22-Jun-07 22:43:48

just a lecture I'd say. Keeping secrets is almost impossible when you're 6.

elasticbandstand Fri 22-Jun-07 22:47:37

mine would have done it too...
can you change present.. probalby not

KbearBrockovich Fri 22-Jun-07 22:47:50

My DS is almost 6 and can't keep a secret at all so I never tell him any big secrets in case he blows it!! DD is 8 and loves a secret and has no trouble keeping it. I think it's their age. Leave it at the lecture I'd say!

lemonaid Fri 22-Jun-07 22:50:16

I think just the lecture. Secrets are very difficult for 6 year olds.

pointydog Fri 22-Jun-07 22:50:49

I wouldn't punish her. Very hard to keep an excitig secret when you are little. Even when you are big

BBBee Fri 22-Jun-07 22:51:42

my ds 7yr would have done the same too.

she should do as she is told and you can tell her this but I think big ounichments may be too much this time.

Dior Fri 22-Jun-07 22:52:18

Message withdrawn

dramaqueen Fri 22-Jun-07 22:54:03

You made the mistake by asking her to keep a secret. How many 6 year olds can do that?
and then you want to punish her?

fireflyfairy2 Fri 22-Jun-07 22:56:00

No punishment, it was a hard thing you expected her to keep.


Bloody hell, I'm a lot older than 6 & still find it difficult to keep a secret

chocolatekimmy Fri 22-Jun-07 22:58:56

Mmmm, I didn't make a big deal of it at the time, was quite casual and didn't mention it after again at all. Just assumed she would kind of forget about it!

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Fri 22-Jun-07 23:02:05

That's the other thing... if you think they will forget, they will manage to bring it up at the less appropiate moment!

Besides... I don't think your 3 year old would be much bothered about the present not being a surprise, actuallyk, she may get a bit dissapointed if she gets a different thing!

mozhe Fri 22-Jun-07 23:07:23

It sems a pretty trivial thing really...couldn't you just apologize for YOUR overeaction and leave it at that....why punish ? unnecessary imo

musicianswidowAKAmumofmonsters Fri 22-Jun-07 23:09:29

imo its too late to punish. if you are going to punish for something it needs to be there and then.

i wouldn't have punished for that tho, and prob not even lectured just explained that now it wouldn't be a surprise for her and that presents are supposed to be surprises.

I don't allow 'secrets' anyway

sep1712 Fri 22-Jun-07 23:12:45

I know this is a bit deep and off he subjecct but you shouldn't do secrets. If anyone does anything to her and tells her not to tell is will or mummy will be cross again.

BeSweet Fri 22-Jun-07 23:14:36

Too young, IMO. She's six, not sixteen. Don't punish her for being six.

aimeesmummy Fri 22-Jun-07 23:16:14

As you've said you'll punish, I think you have to stick to your word and punish as otherwise they'll pick up that you don't mean what you say - but, can you keep it simple like not watch a favourite tv program or no Saturday sweets?

UCM Fri 22-Jun-07 23:17:24

My DS told me the other day that what he was doing upstairs was a secret. Now I know that he was hiding his dummy because he isn't allowed to have it during the day.

I was more alarmed about the word 'secret'. I spoke to him and said that we don't have secrets in our house.

Speaking to a couple of friends with older children (he is 3) they also don't like that word 'secret'. Is it just me. I used the word 'surprise' for fathers day recently and even though DS dragged his dad to the cupboard where the surprise was.....

Skribble Fri 22-Jun-07 23:19:24

Of course you can have secrets, you just have to explain about different kinds of secrets, ones that make you feel bad and ones that are good, like surprise where the secret will be revealed.

But 6 yr olds can't really keep secrets and rows need to be done there and then not held over them and a punishment handed out at a later time.

I would have just given an explaination at the time of how the surprise was gone now, and how its nice to keep things like presents as a surprise.

katelyle Fri 22-Jun-07 23:20:59

My 6 year old came shopping for a present for his big sister this week, and managed to keep the secret, but only because I made a big deal of lots of "shhh's" and "we've got a secret!" If I had just asked him not to tell her he couldn't have managed it - it would have slipped out, or it just would have been too exciting for him to keep to himself. Don't punish her - it hasn't done any harm.

Oh, and please ignore me and tell me I'm an interfering old bag, but I do't think saying that you'll think about it and come up with a punishment later is a good idea. Straight away or not at all IMHO. Sorry.

colditz Fri 22-Jun-07 23:23:00

Nope. No no no. As someone said, you'll be punishing her for being six. Presumably she will still be six tomorrow.

You can't ask too much of a child, and punish them when they fail. You're just ensuring they can never please you.

clop Fri 22-Jun-07 23:47:18

Will your 3yo actually mind knowing what her present is in advance? I expect not!

Tortington Fri 22-Jun-07 23:49:46

most kids can't hold their own piss - tis your fault for expecting her to - not hers, you should slap your own legs and tidy your room

lyrabelacqua Fri 22-Jun-07 23:55:34

Don't punsih her. Six-year-olds get excited and blurt things out. It's not fair to rake it all up in the morning. I'd forget about it tbh.

UCM Fri 22-Jun-07 23:57:29

So do you all think it's good for kids to have secrets, this is the first time it's come up for me?????

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