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3.3 year old ds with lots of 'alter egos', some of which female - dh freaking out - advice please

(9 Posts)
MrsLukaKovac Fri 22-Jun-07 18:43:17

My ds likes to pretend to be people and characters that he likes. He really gets into the role and wants their clothes, ato talk in their accent, basically everything to be exactly the same. He refuses to answer to his own name when he is in character (which is 99% of the time).

He recently saw a female pop singer on the TV and became instantly transfixed, and now says things like, I am a girl, I want long hair and nail varnish, I don't have a 'pisha-misha'(nick name for willy) because I'm a girl etc etc.

To me, this has nothing to do with gender at all and is just about him expressing himself and being stubborn about what he wants. My dh on the other hand, totally blew up today and said he did want his son to call himself a girl and he was not going to allow it at all, as it was not normal.

To me him pretending to be a girl is no different to him pretending to be Spiderman at this age. Could anyone let me know if they've had similar experiences, and if you think this is in a anyway not normal?

dh very much a manly man - and I think this is about his own complexes. I think he is embarrassed that his ds is going around saying 'I'm a girl'.

Any advice most welcome - need evidence that this is not a sign of a major gender issue to calm my dh down!

NotQuiteCockney Fri 22-Jun-07 18:53:50

I think this is very normal, tbh. I don't think my DS1 really went in for this, but DS2 decided that today he was me, and I was him, and I had to call him 'mummy' all afternoon.

How on earth is your DH going to 'not allow' this?

BandofWizards Fri 22-Jun-07 18:57:40

DH is probably worried his son will be gay, men are wierd about stuff like that inc boys playing with girls toys etc.
DD1 is 3 1/2 and also likes to pretend to be her fave characters etc. We have to take Diego for walks with us ands she holds his reins

It's all normal, you need to tell your DH to calm down before he gives your son a complex and he starts to think there's something wrong with it.

MrsLukaKovac Fri 22-Jun-07 18:58:18

well exactly - my huge concern is ds will end up feeling he has done something bad and his dad is cross with him for just expressing himself. V dangerous territory and really want dh to calm down and see that it isn't a problem. DS often says that he is mummy and I am him as well...! DH

BandofWizards Fri 22-Jun-07 18:58:46

Plus, DD1 also says stuff like When I grow up and I'm a boy, and when I'm a ababy again like DD2.
They have no real concept of genders and permanence of their own gender etc at this age.

BandofWizards Fri 22-Jun-07 19:00:28

It's all normal, I sometimes have to pretend to be her while she's me. She also calls me Daddy on purpose cos she knows I wont answer, it's all a game. He NEEDS to calm down. You're going to have to have stern words with him. Make him see he's being ridiculous.

Doodledootoo Fri 22-Jun-07 19:07:03

Message withdrawn

BandofWizards Fri 22-Jun-07 19:17:17

Gosh what a horrible soccer dad. That is so mean. Mind you apparently sports parents are getting so out of control, at least when I lived in the States, that they have to be asked not to go. They start fights and everything.

lissie Fri 22-Jun-07 19:21:43

ive just shown dh this and he has said that he wouldnt be bothered at all. he's a baby experimenting with social skills and peoples roles in society.

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