2 yo upset by older boy

[tribpot]

I know this is like "business as usual" on MN but I'd like some advice on how best to deal with my ds, who is 2 tomorrow.

We moved house about 8 weeks ago, and he was upset about that for a week but seemed okay. Then he suddenly stopped wanting to go to his childminder (who is an MNer) and every morning said "No [CM] day, no [CM] day". Little did he realise, there weren't many CM days left anyway, as she was about to finish up to have a baby.

Since then I've been working part-time hours (using leave to make up the difference) because I simply can't face finding another CM. He still says every day "no [CM] day, mummy day". He's very upset about the CM's baby, at least face-to-face, was quite calm in discussing the baby since then.

Then a friend came to visit on Tuesday for a week, with her 2.5 yo ds. He is lovely and very friendly, but is much bigger than my ds and has been in nursery for a year or so, so is much more versed in the "grab the toy you want and hold on to it" principle. My ds doesn't know what to do when this little boy grabs what he's playing with, and I can only do so much as (a) the little boy doesn't speak English and (b) often ds has put the toy down already anyway, but gets upset about someone taking it away (not entirely reasonable to my logical, adult view of the world!).

He's getting more and more upset, and although the little boy goes home on Monday, we are then having to go to visit my mum for the rest of the week, so that I can go and work from one of our regional offices to get some stuff done that needs to be face to face. After that, I am trying to work out how best to settle him, and think I need to take some time off, to allow him to feel more secure in our new situation. Except I can't take time off indefinitely, so can't work out if that's better or worse.

Argh - I don't know. I know that he's not going to be scarred for a life by a few upsetting weeks, but I wonder how to make the transition easier for him, whilst feeling in my heart of hearts that it's my fault for not being at home, and (simultaneously) my fault for not having sent him to a nursery so he is better able to deal with bigger boys.

[MamaG]

bumping for you

[tribpot]

Thanks MamaG. Things have been a bit better today, actually, as we've been out for the day and ds felt a lot more secure when the little boy wasn't in his 'personal space' so to speak.

[edam]

Haven't got any bright ideas beyond all the stuff you'll be doing anyway about reassuring him. But I do feel for you, sounds like a horrid situation. You do know that it's not your fault ? really, it isn't ? don't you? Even if you were home full-time, your friend might still be staying and he'd certainly come across bigger children who weren't behaving beautifully. And even if you'd sent him to nursery, there'd be something else to beat yourself up about!

[ChorusLine]

Hi Trib - its normally you giving out the sound advice - my boy sounds like the bigger boy at the moment . I wish i could give you some advice but its definitely not your fault for either of the reasons in your last paragraph!!!!

Are you going part-time permanently?

Just left T a birthday message on the Guiseley meet-up thread, as was looking on the Yorkshire meet-up thread. Hope you have had a great day and feel brighter x

[3littlefrogs]

It is just too much change in a short space of time. Just keep plodding on, and try to be as consistant as you can in whatever areas of life that you can IYSWIM. Little children become insecure and regress when they have stress to cope with due to moving etc. If he seems to go backwards in some areas of development this is normal. Try not to worry too much - you can't control everything.

I moved house 3 times around about the time I had ds2. Ds1 was 2.5 when ds2 was born and it was very tough for a while, but we got through it.

He is 18.5 now and I asked him recently if he could remember much about his early years. He said "No", but he is perfectly happy and well adjusted. (He put me through a rough time between 16 and 17, but then all teenagers do).