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14 month old screams when he sees his grandparents

(12 Posts)
monkey32 Wed 20-Jun-07 11:43:33

I am feeling really upset because my son screams as soon as he sees my parents. And I mean really SCREAMS. He is absolutely fine with absolutely everyone else. It's just my parents. I wonder if he has bad association after being left with them? They looked after him when we went away for 2 nights but 3 days when he was 9 months old. The only problem with that as an answer is that he's been left with other people and has been absolutely fine. Perhaps it's because he was fairly young? He had been left before then but only for 1 night. I am finding it so difficult as it's obviously upsetting my parents too. Any explanation or advice would be most welcome.

purpleturtle Wed 20-Jun-07 11:49:41

Dd wouldn't talk to my dad until she was about 3. Was just terrified of him. No cause as far as anybody can work out.

Ds1 did it to my mum instead - just to redress the balance.

I sympathise. We don't see my parents very often, so in a way it was understandable, because you sort of have to start the relationship from scratch every time. I can't offer you any advice really, because in time it has just got better, and now that they're 6 and 4 they love seeing their grandparents.

monkey32 Wed 20-Jun-07 12:43:04

That does make me feel better - good to know I'm not alone! I think I'll pass on your comments to my parents! We don't see them all that often, but then we don't see my DH's parents all that often either. All most perplexing...

purpleturtle Wed 20-Jun-07 13:00:15

Glad to have reassured. Can't believe it hasn't happened to anyone else, though.

KerryMum Wed 20-Jun-07 13:03:16

DS1 would be like this around certain people. Rarely though. He was just plain terrified of them.

I would NOT force your ds to go to them. I also think that kids have certain instincts that we don't (or we have masked).

I hate to ask this as you may be offended but you need to consider the possibility that they were unkind or hurtful to him in some way while in their care.

monkey32 Wed 20-Jun-07 13:11:16

I'm not offended you ask but I really don't believe my parents would have been unkind or hurtful. They have a great relationship with Oscar's two cousins. The worst they would have done is been less attentive than me and DH (which is probably no bad thing - I'm sure we're guilty of pandering to him). I'm slightly clutching at straws but I wonder if he's scared by my father's height and white hair? He doesn't have much contact with anyone older than us parents (in our 30s)and DH isn't the tallest!

lizziemun Wed 20-Jun-07 13:12:40

Do they wear glasses.

I only ask as dd is funny with my mum when she is not wearing hers.

Lolly68 Wed 20-Jun-07 14:01:44

My DD is like this with my mother as I have left her a few times and gone out for a few hours. I think DD thinks that I'm going to leave her with my mum everytime we visit her. It could be that your DS thinks the same thing.

iwouldgoouttonight Wed 20-Jun-07 14:16:19

You say it could be your father's height or white hair - if he's not seen anyone else like that it might be something as simple as that.

My DS has recently started to scream when people come up to him wearing hats or turbans!

snowleopard Wed 20-Jun-07 14:24:36

It could easily be a totally innocent association, eg he was scared by a dog or even a picture or something when he was with them. Or it could be something like a smell that you're not aware of - perfume etc. I agree it will probably disappear.

My 2-yo Ds definitely has strong likes and dislikes for people based on nothing whatsoever that I can see - I assume it must be smell or some kind of association.

monkey32 Wed 20-Jun-07 14:38:55

To be honest I think it's probably a combination of most of the things people suggest. And I am sure that once they get something in their little heads they get pretty stuck on it. It would be much easier if it was the man in the newsagent or the postman or someone I don't really care about!

I don't think my emotional state is helped much by the fact that he's recently been waking up for the day at 5am and I'm shattered. But don't worry I don't want advice on that one - I'm going through every single possible reason for the early waking. Black out blinds are next on the list. And I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is one of life's larks!

LilRedWG Wed 20-Jun-07 14:43:03

Our neice was like this with DH until she was two - she used to try and hide when she saw him and cried uncontrolably - they are best buddies now

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