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Has anyone ever sought professional help for their child's tantrums /behaviour at age 6?

(16 Posts)
lisalisa Wed 20-Jun-07 10:00:18

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Blu Wed 20-Jun-07 10:04:00

lisalisa - just to say I remember your various threads, and that you have previously listened to, and followed advice. You are a fab Mum, Sorry things are still hard.

So, offering you sympathy and success in getting more expert help.

francagoestohollywood Wed 20-Jun-07 10:20:06

Bumping this for you Lisalisa

Shirazzamatazz Wed 20-Jun-07 10:21:02

Hi, Lisalisa. If it's any consolation I've just got back from a MAJOR blub in the school playground brought on by my beloved DS. Apparently a 'lot of the other mums' have been discussing him and his behaviour! He's only 5!!! I've tried parenting classes too. Can't find anything that works either and have just been referred to the SENCO at school. Wish you lots of luck. If you've got any advice for me I'll take it by the bucketload!!! XXX

cleaninglady Wed 20-Jun-07 10:32:17

lisalisa - sounds like your doing a great job so give yourself some credit for that! just wondered if she behaves like this outside the home? at school or with other people that look after her? it does sounds a bit "attention seeking" but without more detail i couldnt say for sure (i used to run parenting courses and work in child protection by the way !) The other possibility is insecurity as you mentioned your working and a bad relationship with sibling - its worth talking to your health visitor firstly though as they can help (if they are a good HV ) or refer you to some one who could assess her behaviour for you - HTH

lisalisa Wed 20-Jun-07 10:52:49

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cba Wed 20-Jun-07 11:01:58

Havent read the whole thread just the op. There is a really good programme on tv at the moment called "Bad Behaviour", it was on last night. Last week it dealt with a couple with six boys, last night it was a single mum with five kids. The guy who is drafted in to help is a guy called Derrick Wade (I think) might have misheard is name.

Bascially he has the following system.

Each morning the child is allocated xp, so for in the case of a six year old perhaps 20 >30p. But as the day progresses when the childs behaviour becomes unacceptable they are warned that if they do not behave they will be fined 1p.

Another rule of the system is always to be polite and not shout like a loon. He says that to manage anger is better than shouting like a loon as this only serves the purpose of the adult. And, after watching this last night and seeing the look on the kids face, he could be right. He also says that shouting is only short term fix because the children get used to it and then you have to shout louder.

Mark the occasions when she is to be fined on a sheet of paper with black crosses and then tally up at the end of the day what she has earned and give it to her with her own little pot.

There tends to be a honeymoon period of a couple of days, then the children try it on a little but then things settle again and it does work.

Good luck

mummymagic Wed 20-Jun-07 11:17:23

To me, as a complete objective outsider, you have summed it up as 'unfortunate reputation' at home as a tantrum child. As children (and adults?) we so often live up to our reputations I think and then can't see a way out. Its easier to just carry on. I teach excluded kids and find that often a blind, denial, 'you are a fabulous child' approach can work, eg 'oh, you're helping me clear up, brilliant' - when they are clearly about to throw something across the room (much older kids of course - and I get to send them home at the end of the day).

Its hard for you because you are in the thick of it and don't have breathing space to think, reflect etc. So I think its quite impressive that you can identify this.

A counsellor will be able to talk to her and try and change those 'I am the tantrummy one that makes mummy sad' pathways, and if you can maintain a 'of course you are my lovely child', happy, postive atmosphere day-to-day approach (ha easier said than done,eh?) then hopefully you can have her back.

Its great she can be well-behaved and good natured at school but sometimes kids are grumpier at home because it is safe so please don't feel bad that she saves it all up for you!

Hope this makes sense and helps, it soudns like you have had loads of advice already...

mummymagic Wed 20-Jun-07 11:19:20

PS my mantra with attention-seeking is that kids who are attention-seeking need attention!

I am sure you have done this already but make sure she gets lots of time with you (just you) to chat and play etc.

lisalisa Wed 20-Jun-07 11:29:25

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Shirazzamatazz Wed 20-Jun-07 11:30:07

Hmmm.... just been on the phone to a friend who reccommends that I put DS forward for counselling. Looks like we'll be in it together after all!!! I agree with Mummymagic (even though I'm jealous of her attitude )that at least she's good at school. Mine's foul EVERYWHERE!

mummymagic Wed 20-Jun-07 11:33:06

Lisalisa, I had a feeling my post would say nothing new to you!! Definitely try counselling though - I really do think she has got herself into a pattern that maybe you (and possible she) alone can't break.

Shirazzamatazz Wed 20-Jun-07 11:42:34

To be honest I think you sound like a great mum. You're putting so much effort in to helping your children. Hang on to that; I know it isn't easy. You're being consistent and you're open to all offers of help and advice. You deserve congratulations. xxx (God knows! I'd love to be a bit more like you)

lisalisa Wed 20-Jun-07 11:53:25

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lisalisa Wed 20-Jun-07 16:57:10

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alison222 Wed 20-Jun-07 17:26:53

Just had my DS referred for asseessment. hE had other problems too though ike oversensitivity to smells and sudden loud noises. and various other stuff.

We have a likely disgnosis from the preliminary assessment of Aspergers.
Not for a minute I am suggesting that this is what the problem is for you though.

Have you spoken to the teachers? does this behavoiur happen in school too - sorry haven't seen any of your other posts

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