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DS thinks its ok to hit / push his sister!!!

(18 Posts)
stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 19:12:29

But i didnt do it hard mum. He is 8 she is 5 - it was hard enoug hto make he cry, (she is a whinger but that is besides the point)

She does annoy him in a little sister way but his answer is to shove her and hit her, she does occasionally hit back but usually ends up worst off.

I am sick of it and need to find a way for DS to understand this has to stop.

I said tonight to him, at what point do you stop hitting girls?? You are going to get a lot stronger as you get older and your shoves and hits will get a lot harder, this isnt acceptable behaviour. We are not a violent family and in 11 years DP has not raised a hand to me.

He is in his room at the moment sobbing as "it is so unfair". How do i stop this hitting and what is effectively bullying. He needs to learn to ignore or put up with his little sister. I have images of him being older and thinking it is ok to hit women and that just cracks me up!!

stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 19:12:52

her cry

NoodleStroodle Tue 19-Jun-07 19:14:57

It happens - little sisters are small and annoying but it has to stop. DS went through this but you have to take a zero tolerance approach - remember her will probably be nearly as tall as you and stronger than you in about 4 years time.

You need to find a way for him to call time on her and learn to walk away...

fannyannie Tue 19-Jun-07 19:16:52

no advice really I'm afraid - but my big brother (same age gap as your 2) used to hit and push me all the time (well it felt like all the time probably just occasionally) - and he didn't grow up to think it's ok.

TBH I think part of it is 'sibling' rivalry - DS1 pushes DS2 (and hits him sometimes) (they're 6 and 3 - almost 7 and 4) sometimes DS2 hits back - sometimes he starts the whole thing. And DH informs me that he and his siblings (he's got 2 olders sisters, 1 younger sister and 2 younger brothers) used to beat each other up lots too (and that included DH hitting his little sister) and he's never raised a hand to me.

Wisteria Tue 19-Jun-07 19:17:41

Naturally you don't want him to hit her and he does need to be taught that it's wrong however, as the eldest I remember quite vividly being wound up to the nth degree by my 2 foul little bros on purpose, then eventually resorting to hitting them and being told off for it which did seem extremely unfair at the time so;
whilst he has to be told off for the crime itself maybe you telling him that you understand how frustrated he is and telling her off for winding him up might be a good way to play it as well, just so he knows you are taking his emotions seriously as well?

stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 19:18:10

thats what im looking for.......... i even told him the way to really irritate a girl is to walk away but he still sees red with her, I have watched him, he has such a short fuse, He told me he hates her tonight to which i said " i really hope you dont mean that" answer

Wisteria Tue 19-Jun-07 19:19:00

I also agree with the other posts that it is natural for siblings to fight and we are all close as close now, with no violent tendencies!

stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 19:19:58

good point wisteria, I do understand how irritating she can be, she reaches unbelievable notes, and shouts soooo loud, i have had to put a door between me and her myself before now. I just dont want him bashing girls.

Wisteria Tue 19-Jun-07 19:21:05

I 'hated' my brothers at that age too, until the age of about 14 but love them both to bits now xx have a glass of wine xx

stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 19:22:01

ooooh you dont know about me and wine do you. We love each other farrr too much atm

Wisteria Tue 19-Jun-07 19:23:27

He probably wouldn't dream of 'bashing girls'. Maybe if he felt you were on 'his side' with the irritation factor he might be able to resist the temptation. You'll work it out, or they will!

Wisteria Tue 19-Jun-07 19:23:54

Wine is the natural antidote to stressful children x

Aloha Tue 19-Jun-07 19:31:46

Oh god, my two year old constantly bashes my five year old! Then she embraces him in a big hug. She is such a diva. <exhausted emoticon>

stoppinattwo Tue 19-Jun-07 20:18:29

I supposed he feels a bbit persecuted atm wisteria, I was cross with him, but didnt quite explain that i also understood how irritating she can be.

I will try and talk to him when things are calmed down.

stoppinattwo Wed 20-Jun-07 06:41:14

Right I have thought about this..............and am still not happy, if he was doing this in the play ground at school it wouldnt be ok. I spoke to hime last night about it and he is adamant he was right to shove her baceause she was "getting on his nerves"

katelyle Wed 20-Jun-07 06:50:27

My two get on really well most of the time, but I remember when they were littler, it was very helpful for dd to know that I found her little brother irritating sometimes too! Does your ds have time alone with you without her? Hard, I know, but important. Does dd ever get told off for irritating him/spoiling his games/not leaving him alone? And, I think really importantly, if they have their own rooms, anre they strictly forbidden to go into each others room without permission?

stoppinattwo Wed 20-Jun-07 07:33:14

He does get a lot of one 2 one and so does she. She can be annoying and last night she was unbelievably irritating, screeching at the slightest thing.

I will try the bedroom thing, they do have a room each but thend to play in each others room.

I just want to teach him do deal with her another way instead of lashing out

Wisteria Wed 20-Jun-07 09:25:59

Hope you're ok this morning - it sounds as though he feels he has no alternative to hitting her to get her out of his way (wrong I agree, although normal bro and sis behaviour for the most part).
Maybe sit down and talk about other managing methods for him, counting to ten?, asking you to come and intervene before she winds him up to that level? maybe he could give your daughter a warning, counting to three before he calls you? I don't know sure you can think of things that would appeal to him more, at 8 he probably hasn't a clue! But screaming really goes through you doesn't it!

He may have a bad temper - I had (and still do) but hopefully with your help he will learn to control it. As with every new skill children learn, it'll take him a while to feel happy with it but as long as he is trying..... I would be tempted to praise him for trying even when he gets it wrong sometimes.

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