This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Violent behaviour from ds(5 Posts)
So recently our 8 year old ds behaviour has been awful!
To a point where I feel like I don't even like him anymore most days.
I avoid taking him anywhere on my own because I can't cope with his behaviour.
We can't get him looked after by family or friends because he is so rude and cheeky no one wants to look after him!
He hits, kicks, screams, slams doors etc.
For background, he's always had a short temper and been a paddy thrower but it's gone from being once every few months to every single day for the last couple of months. He used to be the most kind and loving little boy but now He has absolutely no respect for anyone and no patience with anyone.
He is well behaved at school but he doesn't particularly like school and is not interested in learning at all but he does achieve average/sometimes above average grades.
At home though we are finding ourselves either walking on eggshells to try not to upset him or getting to a point of just shouting at him.
We have stopped him watching YouTube videos thinking they may be influencing, we have limited Xbox and he doesn't play any games that aren't age suitable.
We have tried talking to him, shouting at him, removing Xbox/toys etc. Stopping him from going to his hobbies, time out, ignoring the behaviour. We have tried to praise for positives but at the moment there really aren't many positives at all as he is constantly horrid to everyone. Even his 11 year old sister has had enough.
He has had issues at school with a certain child which he has been blaming for his behaviour but even over the 6 weeks holidays his behaviour was out of control so I'm not sure it's entirely true.
We have had a really difficult time at home the last few months that I know he is feeling the effects of. We are also living in an extremely small space at the moment so we are all on top of each other. This is temporary but is going to be the case for a few more months yet.
He also says horrible things like I wish I wasn't alive anymore, why don't you just strangle me, I have the most horrible life, everybody hates me.
He also accuses me and my husband and other people of hurting him.
I just don't know what to do with anymore... I lost my temper with him tonight and now I feel awful about it. There is just no reasoning with him though.
Tonight's kick off started because he walked into the door frame trying to get past me and his sister so he shouted at his sister 'why did you shove me?' I told him that she hadn't and that was it, he just exploded!
I think he may have anxiety but I may just be making excuses for him?
What's his diet like? Much processed stuff? Sweets? Pop? Cakes from a packet?
One of mine is terribly sensitive to something...we don't know what...but since we made our diet very clean, the behaviour is completely different.
I've never really considered his diet but it's always been the same yet his behaviour is only recent. He eats a lot of variety to be honest as he will eat literally anything but we do have packaged stuff for snacks etc so I guess you probably don't realise how much rubbish you actually eat until you really think about it
I hate to ask this but is there anyone in his life who could potentially abuse him in some way?
I ask because a sudden behavioural change is a red flag for abuse in children.
Screaming, shouting, belittling, humiliating, labeling and smacking is bully style parenting. (hasn't got...relationship, love or discipline)
(probably most respect for authority but grow up lacking confidence)
Changing a no to a yes after your children have moaned and moaned is bad for children, same when there are no rules.This is blind love style parenting and is the most damaging. (no discipline and no real love) (grow up not respecting authority)
Finally Tough love, stricter but more smiles, laughter, jokes, being a twit, chat, imagination, play, cuddles, build relationship, say you love them even if you don't. Less authority, more child on your part, connect. (this has discipline that's more effective) if he won't wash his hands then no dinner, simple. Try to stay calm and use calm voice, seem pleased with him, respect him.
Hope I've demonstrated just how impossible it is to get it right.
(rules without relationship equals rebellion)
Oh almost forgot, don't compare your child with other children, look for the good, concentrate on building him up, if he's good at something build on that.