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My child doesn't like me(5 Posts)
My daughter is 1 year old and I have a feeling she doesn't like me what breaks my heart. My husband works till late hours so basically I'm alone with her whole day. When we are together is even ok she laughs and plays etc. But when my husband or my mother-in-law come back from work( we live with in-laws) she chooses them over me. I understand that after spending whole day with me she can prefer others company as it's something different and new but she ignores me completely and when I hold her she wants to go to them and when she is held by them she doesn't wanna go to me at all. Sometimes almost cries. When they leave the room she cries or gets angry but when I leave she doesn't even care.
It really breaks my heart and I want to cry. Sometimes I even don't feel like trying anymore. When we go somewhere and she is scared, hurt or something, instead of going to me she goes to her grandma what is shocking for others and painful for me. When I see other children who only want to be with their mothers I feel depressed and jealous. I really don't know what to do anymore. Because I spend whole day with her of course I am the one who forbids her a lot but it is only for her safety. When I talk about my feelings to my husband he doesn't see any problem and says it's just my imagination. I feel really hopeless. What should I do?
do you think there is a chance you may be depressed? She is a baby and they often go through a phase of preferring or rejecting people. This is not dislike. Sometimes a little one will not stress when Mum leaves the room because they are confident she will return. Do you have fun when you are together playing? I dont quite understand what you mean when you say you forbid her a lot. Is your home toddler safe? What is it that you are forbidding? Do you take her out to toddler groups or with friends? Do you get on with your health visitor? I don't think people really would find it shocking she goes to Grandma for a comfort. What is it your husband feels you are imagining? Does he see any of what you are describing? To say a baby dislikes you is actually describing and emotion she is not old enough to have developed. Think about how you spend your day and try to have fun with her, get down on the floor and just enjoy each other
I wouldn't say depressed but more tired and stressed I think. My daughter is very curious and energetic baby so looking after her is really not easy. My house is baby safe but she wants to climb everywhere, she wants to watch TV which I forbid for her sake, or because she wants to eat too many baby cookies so I don't allow her and then she starts crying. She needs to learn that by crying she can't gain anything, so in that situation I try to calm her down and then she gives up. I go with her three times a week to toddler groups where she has a great time and plays with teachers and other toddlers. She really likes those groups. In home we play, we laugh, she sits on my laps and wants me to read her books so everything is great until others appear. Then she ignores me and doesn't wanna go to me. My husband sees those things but doesn't admit and says I'm overreacting and imagining things.
I understand that after spending whole day with me she can prefer others company as it's something different and new but she ignores me completely and when I hold her she wants to go to them and when she is held by them she doesn't wanna go to me at all.
You do have fun together when you are alone, so she does like you and enjoy your company. It just sounds as if she feels very secure with you. She knows you are always there for her and you will always be back if you leave the room. So she is off exploring other people whenever she gets the chance - when they leave the room she can't be so sure that they will come back, so she cries. It's OK, it's all part of her learning process.
@martaaaa my DS is 9 months old does exactly the same. I am a single parent and we spend a lot of time together (just the two of us). When we are together he is a happy baby and we have lots of fun. When I visit my parents he pushes me away to get to them and does not want to come back to me. He doesn't care if I leave the room as long as he is with them.
Please don't let it upset you. Just see it as your time for a little break. It sounds like you are a great mum and your DD feels very secure with you.
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