Hi everyone... my daugter has been waking up every night between hours of 10pm-12am or 2-4am for the last 10 months (at least!). She is 3.10 years old, has slept in her own room since she turned 15 months old. I have absolutely no idea why/how this all started. I have a reasonable (i think!) bedtime routine which begins with a warm bath (on alternate nights), chilling out and cuddles on the sofa while watching the 6pm CBeebies slot until 7pm, then hugging/kissing her Daddy and Little Brother goodnight, toilet & brush teeth trip, a bedtime story (or 2), switching on the relaxation/sleep music (youtube trick, most of the time I select an hour long stretch, something with mega-slow tempo, soothing, like pan flutes or piano combined with nature sounds, something you would be subjected to in a spa & massage parlour or in a meditation/yoga session, she likes to believe it's soft fairy music), her little family of 6 teddies have got to be piled on her bed in her bed in a just so fashion, she always has one boardbook to share with her teddies, her Peppa Pig torch (which BTW I absolutely hate because I have always tried to ban blue light from her bedroom, I have 1 amber light purposefully installed plus a red touch sensitive night light for her but I haven't been lucky in getting rid of the Peppa Pig torch, she goes into distraught mode without it, she has had it since birth, bought by her Daddy's/my partner's mother whom she absolutely adores). My daughter used to drink warm milk but gave it up over 1 year ago, won't drink water unless she doesn't like the juice on offer, so the unspoken agreement is at least 100ml of juice in her drinking bottle in her hand or beside her as I switch the light off, leave the room. If any detail in the bedtime routine is missing or different, trust me, she notices. Then every single night without fail, as you leave the room, the long list of demands follow - another bedtime story, more CBeebies (or worse Bing, Teletubbies or Team Umizoomi), a visit to Nanny & Grandad, more kisses and cuddles for her and/or her teddies, more juice, daylight please, i want to go swimming, ABC songs please, i want to go to the park, i don't want to sleep, i need the toilet, can we make a cake, i want my colouring/drawing books, learning to read games please, I want a Disney film, i want my fairy wings and wand, i want to go to the beach, i want to make a face mask, i want a biscuit/popcorn, i want to play football, Little Baby Bum singing and dancing please, i want to build a rocket to the moon (she's obssesed with the Solar System) etc etc... To which I have had to steal my heart and refuse - she's basically stalling the inevitable. Sometimes she starts whining or gets out of bed, tries to follow me out the room. I either escort her back to bed, calmly explaining that she must go to sleep and we can do the fun things she has asked for if she goes to sleep first. BTW this promise generally falls flat on it's face in the morning because well, life has to go on - preschool or other plans take place. Anyway, 6 times out of 10, she obeys. Other times, she hangs over her baby gate whispering as loudly as she can that she wants to go in the sitting room and watch TV. I've had to teach myself to walk off, leave her. She'll close her own door eventually when she gets no answer. With luck, 30-45mins later she is asleep. The night time drama begins as follows... either at 10pm for 2 hours it will last or at 1am for 3 hours it lasts. It starts with whimpering or softly talking herself back to sleep or she's beating he pillows, blanket and teddies back into position, comforting each item as she goes... I guess when she feels this hasn't worked then starts the full throttle crying and shouting... I go in her room, the demands begin almost immediately. I try to find out what the real reason for the tears etc, most of the time she tells me. Other times she goes off on a tangent about needing to watch Bing or the Twirly Woos or she wants to bake a cake for Grandad's birthday, build a rocket, do some painting at preschool etc etc... I take her to the toilet in the hope she is just being chatty instead of sharing her need to go and voila, full bladder empties as soon as she plonks herself on the toilet seat. I then escort her back to bed, explain why the things she wants can't happen in the middle of the night, demonstrate why we can't go out by opening the curtains a little to show her its still dark and that everyone (including her Daddy, Little Brother, Nanny & Grandad and all her preschool friends) is still asleep. Sometimes it works. Other times she bursts into tantrum-crying and i have to stay with her until she falls asleep, which is rare! By then, we have lost 2 or 3 hours of sleep, she is tired & unco-operative until her morning session at preschool school begins (where they have already noted there is a behaviour problem). Most of the time they are heroes for dealing with it and helping me stamp it out, but other times they're not so lucky. The rest of the day slides into craziness because she won't listen, stop fighting with her Little Brother, won't sleep at nap-time... the tantrum-crying starts and by 2pm she has fallen asleep from exhaustion.
Lately things have gotten worse as she's had a horrendous cough/cold for 2 weeks and her exczema came back with a vengeance, plus she contracted earrache (most of which her GP refused to acknowledge and only prescribed treatment for her long-standing skin condition). I ended up taking her to A&E for advice and they explained she's had a viral infection and all i can do wait for it to go naturally, giving her paracetamol and ibuprofen at alternate intervals for another 1 or 2 weeks.
Now I know some of you might say perhaps she suffers from nightmares/night terrors. She used to tell me whenever she'd had one - a very rare occurence. Yes she has a very active mind, she's creative and imaginative. Even after a day crammed full of activities, you could place a bet on her playing up as soon as I open her bedroom door when I investigate the middle of the night time tantrams/crying. The demands begin: more juice, toilet (if she hasn't already wet herself), cartoons/TV, a biscuit, daylight, visit to Nanny & Grandad, arts & crafts, baking, go to the park, swimming, icecream and crisps etc etc etc. Obviously I have to refuse and/or explain why not as basically as I can, being careful not to use the word NO (as all hell will break loose, trust me). She often refuses to listen, begs me stay with her, doesn't go back to sleep for hours.
Before she became ill, she was happy to go back to sleep (eventually!) alone. Now, since the first signs of coughing fit & runny nose and earrache began etc, she won't go to sleep alone, isn't so easily consoled until she is curled up on the sofa with her pillow and blanket, where she often passes out instantly.
Her Daddy/my partner is not impressed by all if this. 3 nights out of 10 he'll do this nightly duty of pandering to our daughter's night-time tantrums. He is a little bit abrupt and plainly spoken with her, switches on all the lights, slams bedroom doors and baby gates, instead of being calm and ushering her back to bed, he takes her to the sitting room every single time and 2hrs later I still hear him loudly repeating you should be asleep - he is very easily pissed off when his sleep in interrupted. The morning after is not pretty. He loudly protests how much sleep he has missed out on. He conveniently forgets that (if I am not already on soothing daughter duty), I am awake most nights working hard so all the disturbances don't affect our son too much - he is 20months old. He has been very recently diagnosed with bronchilitus after spending 12hrs in the A&E department on oxygen.
The going to bed routine with my daughter wasn't always this difficult. 10 months ago it used to be quick, quiet, she was grateful to go and would sleep 10hrs straight. These days I am so exhausted in trying to help her, often crying myself to sleep when she is finally out for the count. My GP is not interested in helping, he has only suggested try putting her to bed a bit later and give her warm milk. It didn't work. I am flat out of ideas now and running on empty, at the end of my nerves here...
Any advice please?? I'm desperate!
Thanks for your time x
