9 year old losing it at school.

[MrsBartlettforthewin]

Just had parent's evening for my year 5 DD. Everything fine other than her getting frustrated with other pupils easily and a couple of times this term she has absolutely lost it screaming at them. Apparently straight afterwards she knows that that behaviour isn't okay and apologies but what can we do to help her deal with this build up of feelings before she blows? One of her friends has additional needs and behaves in this way but we have discussed with our DD that her friend can't help it due to her needs which we thought she understood but maybe it is learned behaviour? (did ask her teacher about this and she said it might be as DD hasn't been like this in previous years)

She internalises things and puts a lot of pressure on herself to do everything well so I'm worried she is getting anxious about things and not expressing it.

If this was your DD what would you do? How can we approach this with her with out making her feel we are telling her off but get her to see this isn't okay behaviour? she has never done this at home so it is a side to her that I've not experienced.

Any thoughts/ advice greatly appreciated.

[Lara53]

Mindfulness? how does she feel before exploding. DS used to say his tummy was fizzy - when those feelings are building close eyes, deep slow breaths counting to 10 etc

[MrsBartlettforthewin]

she is having trouble explaining it. Other than she just feels really annoyed/ frustrated. Will have a look at some mindfulness for her, thanks.

[Flippetydip]

We have the same here except is a 9-year old DS and he doesn't ever lose it at school but completely internalises it and is making our home life a misery. I will have a look at mindfulness too. His just completely flashes out of nowhere and then carries on for can be up to hours. I know the triggers- "new" school year, tiredness etc, but we can't carry on like this when the secondary school change comes.

So "MrsBartlett" I have no advice but I do feel your pain!

[BlueChampagne]

I'd also talk to the teacher about it, esp if it's the same teacher she had last year, and therefore knows her quite well. What has changed from Y4?

[MrsBartlettforthewin]

Thanks flippetydip though it's tough it is nice to know it isn't just us.

Bluechampagne she has had a new teacher this year but the same class of children.
She is insistent on dying the 11 plus in September and I'm wondering if she is put pressure on herself with that. She has always been a bit of a perfectionist which I'm wondering if that is contributing. We have always gone with the we don't do perfect but encouraging to always try. Will see how this new term goes but she doesn't seem to know why she snaps just that she shouldn't and feels really terrible about it afterwards.

[NewName54321]

Keep a diary of when this happens. You may see a pattern, e.g. monthly hormones, when she is tired or hungry, just before or after something stressful like a test. Are there any warning signs she feels internally?

Identify the immediate triggers with her (even if they sound trivial to adult ears) and decide on appropriate strategies to avoid the explosive outbursts when they occur, e.g. if someone is doing or saying x, she could do or say y.

[TimeToGoToSleep]

This book is good - its written for children and teaches some cognitive behavioural techniques for managing anger

www.bookdepository.com/What-to-Do-When-Your-Temper-Flares-Dawn-Huebner/9781433801341?redirected=true&utm_medium=Google&utm_campaign=Base1&utm_source=IE&utm_content=What-to-Do-When-Your-Temper-Flares&selectCurrency=EUR&w=AFFPAU96GYYGUYA809CP&pdg=pla-297612067635:kwd-297612067635:cmp-711096402:adg-39922128907:crv-163910145321:pid-9781433801341:dev-m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqNPplObA3gIV7ZztCh0Bqw6aEAQYASABEgJL1vD_BwE