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Coping with five year old's behaviour

(5 Posts)
Lavenderdays Mon 22-Oct-18 13:58:52

My dc has just turned 5 and recently started school.

Already I have been spoken to by the teacher for dc fighting, dc has also thrown a major tantrum for not being able to get their own way in class. TBH, I wait to collect dc and dread the appearance of the teacher in case dc has done something else wrong.

I feel I am unable to take dc out anywhere on a nice day trip on my own because they run off or else have a meltdown or 'accidentally' do something they shouldn't like jump on someone in soft play so I often feel quite isolated (it has always been this way since dc was a toddler and wouldn't play with the toys provided but instead would fiddle with the community hall's fire extinguisher or else empty the kitchen cupboards etc.). Even now dc has turned five, I don't like to venture far alone because it feels like dc's behaviour is too much to manage. Dc has an older and younger sibling, my eldest certainly didn't behave as wilfully as this and I remember going here there and everywhere with them and I am hoping my youngest child will not pick up similar behaviours.

On the flip side, dc has a very caring side especially with younger children and appears very bright - will recognise numbers on gateposts and say "5 and 9 that's 59 etc. and has taken off with their reading. Also doesn't appear afraid of very much - will talk confidently to adults etc.

Just at wits end. I am concerned that dc will not have any friends if this continues and they don't learn a bit more restraint and I hate feeling bitter and angry because I feel our activities are limited due to dc's behaviour. I feel I have worked hard at parenting dc, I don't believe in smacking etc. and generally try to remain calm but dc wants their own way all the time and acts bratish/tantrums is this doesn't happen, it feels so much easier to dump dc in front of a screen and do nothing (although this isn't the route I usually take and we get out for fresh air to the park etc.) whilst I keep my fingers crossed that an incident doesn't occur. I don't feel comfortable visiting others in their own homes or having people here with dc and other children because sooner or later it feels it will end explosively and I probably care too much what others think but right now it feels like it is just my child who behaves like this.

Not looking for criticism, I feel embarrassed by what I perceive as my inadequate parenting and wondering if anyone else feels like they are in the same boat?

OP’s posts: |
Lavenderdays Mon 22-Oct-18 13:59:17

wow, sorry for the epic post!

OP’s posts: |
sevens7 Mon 22-Oct-18 19:29:30

I've always thought that boys need more love and more discipline.
I think children's behaviour won't change if there's no external input.
Playing with them is entering their world, this is where you can tweak their behaviour. Playing with them puts you right up and close to behaviour. You enjoying his company, laughing, smiling and joking is something he will like and he'll try harder to get it. When he misbehaves (which is natural) there will be a gentle no i don't like that, do this with a frown.
If this doesn't work take something away from him like tv or computer, toys etc.
Every child is different but I'd say spend sometime with him, more tough love.
Good luck

Lavenderdays Mon 22-Oct-18 22:18:28

Thanks Sevens. Today, dc had a meltdown, it turns out that they were very tired and slept after incident for a couple of hours - tiredness certainly doesn't help.

OP’s posts: |
sevens7 Mon 22-Oct-18 23:20:55

Keep calm, easier said than done.
If you over react they know they are controlling you.
No means no and never change your mind.
Tell him you love him.
Try and improve his speech, it's linked to poor behaviour.
Reading out loud helps, you'll need to reward for this.
Look for the good, better to do that than correct bad.
Always remember rules without relationship equals rebellion.
Please don't beat yourself up.
Hope this helps

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