How can I help my 4 y/o with his behaviour? I'm doing it all wrong at the moment.

(5 Posts)
ellieflower123 Mon 08-Oct-18 19:09:51

My DS was 4 at the beginning of August and has just started Reception. He's academically on a par with his peers; knows his letters, numbers, can hold his pencil etc, but behaviourly seems to be really far behind them. He struggled hugely with change and the first couple of weeks at school were really bad. He wouldn't go into the classroom, struggled with going into other rooms etc. It was so bad the Teacher requested a behaviour assessment for him who made some suggestions (she is unwilling to share these with me and is very vague about the whole situation?!).
He's also really poor at actually playing with other children. He can play alongside them, but not actually with them. Add to the fact that he keeps putting his face in other kids when he wants to play and kind of pushing them/tickling them to interact with them. He's also overly boisterous,doesn't follow instructions and very prone to tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.
He's really struggling and I just want to help him. Should I be thinking to address these behaviours individually or is it something wider (ASD or the like) and so I need professional help? I've tried sticker charts, treats, removing toys, shouting, calm words and none seem to have an effect. Please help.

OP’s posts: |
BarbarianMum Mon 08-Oct-18 21:36:08

Poor kid, and poor you too.
How was his behaviour before he started school? At nursery? At home?
Go back to the school. Ask who did the behavioural assessment and what their qualifications are? How was he assessed (what did they do). Find out what the assessor said. Ask the teacher what she is now doing to help him manage school (poor kid sounds totally overwhelmed). Get everything - your questions and their answers- in writing, from now to when this problem is solved. One way to do this is to write, outlining your concerns and questions and ask for a meeting. Then after the meeting, write recapping the points made and any actions "In response to me asking x, you replied y. It was agreed that you will do z".

Some aspects of what you describe do sound like possibly there vould be something "bigger" going on. But he's very young and immaturity can make a big difference too. Have you read up about asd? Does what you've read rung any bells?

BarbarianMum Mon 08-Oct-18 21:39:57

One final thing (sorry, that was a barrage of questions) . Most little children want to please and, by and large, generally behave well if they can. I would be cautious about punishing him for poor behaviour at school unless you are sure he could behave better. If he doesn't have the skills to behave better he needs help and positive reinforcement not punishment.

ellieflower123 Mon 08-Oct-18 21:53:47

Thanks for your reply. At nursery they said he was 'fine' and played with the other kids really well. He didn't want to take part in any of the school plays/Carol concerts etc. but stood up in front of the parents at his leaving assembly, which was a huge thing for him.
At home he was a bit of a nightmare over the school holidays. I was on mat leave and we couldn't afford childcare. If he was out of the house he was ok, inside he was a hyper little monkey!
He's hugely eager to please and is absolutely thrilled when we tell him that we are proud of him. We aren't punishing him for his behaviour at school at all, we're hugely supportive of it. He does get told off for jumping on his baby sister, screaming near her when she's feeding, being too rough with her etc.
As for the ASD thing, I genuinely have no idea. Some traits for him, and others don't?

OP’s posts: |
brads88 Tue 09-Oct-18 16:06:42

Hi - I have no experience or qualifications in this at all - but if he was only just 4 at the beginning of August he must be the youngest in the school year?

I've just had a September baby and one of the most common comments I got from parents of older kids was how much "better" September kids do at school than those younger ones ie they're more capable of sitting down, concentrating, cope with the change in environment etc. Don't panic - I'm an August baby and I did fine, but I'm sure developmentally/ behaviourally it is different for boys and girls.

So maybe his brain just needs time to mature a little more?

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