Would you move to a different nursery?

[BillywigStings]

Long story short, we had moved DS (3) from a lovely council run nursery to a private one because it was closer to us and more convenient. Private one is well run but less friendly and teachers aren’t as in tune with and close to the kids.

DS has not complained or demanded to return to the previous nursery, and looks forward to the new nursery. However I notice he doesn’t have any close bonds with the teachers and they don’t have so much of a personal aproach with the kids - eg in the last nursery they quickly got to know DSs character and talked about him and his progress like they were a family member, with affection in their voice. I could imagine DS going to any of them for a hug if he needed comfort. This new nursery seems impersonal and more about making money.i get a brief rundown of what activities he did and any behavioural problems at the end of the day (eg we made smoothies, played with sand, and he had to have a time out for hitting another boy), but nothing along the lines of “he really seems to enjoy playing without play dough, does he do a lot of messing play?” “He talks about dogs a lot, it seems like he’s an animal lover” or any questions about him to me which would show interest in him. It’s nothing like his last nursery.

We have a new baby in the family and in combination with the new nursery DS is acting out and is stressed and cries and has nightmares at night, and has started wetting himself again.

I wonder if I did the right thing by moving him, and whether I should ask if he wants to go back, I’m hesitant because his old nursery wouldn’t even be the same other than having some of the same kids in his class - the teachers would be different, and he wouldnt be in the 2 year old classroom anymore.

What really got to me is that today as we left, without prompting he loudly and clearly said goodbye to all the kids by name. Not a single response. He did it three times before I distracted him, but the teachers were only feet away but seemed to have tuned him out now I was here and didn’t reply either. It’s a little thing, and by itself not significant at all - the teachers were occupied with other things, and well kids will be kids - but it’s just the way this nursery is. Impersonal feeling and a bit cold.


Would you change back to the old nursery?

[AjasLipstick]

How long has he got left before school now? I would also be reluctant to move him but saying that, if he has a whole year left, then it might be a good idea.

I would however speak to the manager about your concerns. A lack of personal care is an issue when it's a childcare setting. The manner of the staff sounds "off".

Do you work? Could you perhaps pull him out completely for a couple of weeks and then let him know "We're going back to X nursery now..." if you don't make a big fuss about it, he will accept it.

At 3 if you tell them "Now this is what happens" they don't question why.

Just "We've been there now and it's time to go back to X nursery again...we won't return to Y nursery again"

Is clear enough/

[BillywigStings]

He’s been at this nursery since the beginning of August, and it’s the first of two years he’ll be there. I just don’t know what to do. His old nursery was great, but I told him he was going to the new nursery because it was for big boys and he didn’t need to go to the little kids nursery anymore. I might look into him doing a split placement so we can dip our toes into the water without fully committing to the move or leaving the current place, to start with anyway. I think first step will be arranging a ‘stay and play’ where me and DH can watch how he gets on at nursery during class time.

I obviously have these concerns but I worry I’m interfering where I don’t need to when DS has not complained at all, even when prompted.

[AjasLipstick]

I see....perhaps you're projecting a bit. As you say it's not broken if DS isn't complaining so why try to fix it?

Have you had any general worries not related to DS lately? I sometimes do that....worry about something but focus on something else and worry about that instead.

[BillywigStings]

I guess I might be projecting a little. DH brought this up originally and I brushed it off, but after seeing him ignored by the class like that, I just felt awful on his behalf that everyone was ignoring him and started thinking about how it wasn’t like this at the other nursery. He’d also just had about a week of sleepless nights so I guess I’m feeling a little extra sensitive about his wellbeing

I suppose it’s just to be expected that different nurseries have a different vibe, but I still intend to keep a close eye on things.

[AjasLipstick]

Well at this age, most children are very self-cantered. Were the other children engaged in an activity when he said goodbye to them?

Ask his key worker how he's going along socially. Ask if he's playing and interacting well. And ask what his likes and dislikes are when it comes to activities....then she or he might open up a bit more and you might learn something more about his day.