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Advice needed

(5 Posts)
Letitgo87 Thu 13-Sep-18 04:14:01

My daughter is 6 almost 7 and her behaviour is unreal pretty much all of the time. If she doesn't want to do something she just screams and last night she screaming for hours and hours,no matter what I did to try calm her down she just wouldn't stop. It was 830pm and I was trying to settle her down to go to sleep and she was still screaming which was going on two hours by now. I lashed out and grabbed her face, she says I scratched her. I knew it was wrong right away and I said sorry and gave her the biggest cuddle ever and said I will never do it again. She was so scared of me and said mummy you told me when I hit you that you would never do it to me and you did. My heart is broken that she now feels like that. I don't know if I should report myself to social services, but I'm scared I will lose her. I am a single parent and I'm worried she will tell my parents or a teacher at school. I don't know if it's best to move on and hope she doesn't mention it or admit I have anger issues and get help.

OP’s posts: |
CanIGetARefund Thu 13-Sep-18 07:51:14

I think many parents have just snapped when under extreme pressure or very challenging behaviour. I do think it would help to explore this pressure and take steps to get some support. There are two parts to it, the way she behaves and the way you reacted under stress. I would suggest speaking to a GP with a view to getting an assessment for both of you individually (unless you already have a diagnosis for your daughter). If the GP suggests taking antidepressants, this could help you stay calm when your daughter is very challenging.

Letitgo87 Thu 13-Sep-18 08:07:48

I will talk to doctor because given her age I think she should not be having tantrums like this anymore. For me I have depression which I am on medication for. I'm not sure if it's working yet. We spoke when she was up earlier this morning and i told her I know it was wrong and agreed she would punish me so I'm now her servent for 4 days x

OP’s posts: |
PaulMorel Thu 13-Sep-18 09:25:13

It's normal for parents to get exhausted specially when kids got their tantrums. Sometimes, we also need to hit them(if needed) in order for them to be disciplined and not repeat it again.

CanIGetARefund Thu 13-Sep-18 10:32:49

I think it's lovely you have had a discussion with your daughter about what happened. I am normally a fan of "coming to an agreement" to resolve an issue. However, as a fellow single parent, I feel a bit concerned about the idea of you being "punished" and being her "servant" for 4 whole days. What happens if she has a massive tantrum whilst you are her "servant"? I think the idea of giving her some "special time" with your undivided attention is reasonable. When my children were younger, "special time" which was a couple of hours of entirely child led time. It could be a meal of their choice, followed by an activity of their choice with my phone switched off. All attention would be on them.

Instead of punishment, I think the idea of reparation is needed. This would constitute you explaining you understand how and why your actions were wrong, apologising and reassuring her you are taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. Telling her you are seeking professional advice should reassure her you are taking this seriously. This way of doing reparation introduces an acceptable way to make amends which will be useful to her in the future.

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