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Not handling 5 yr olds tantrums well

(7 Posts)
Peace425 Tue 11-Sep-18 09:43:31

Hi, I feel like I am really not coping.
My DD is nearly 6 yrs old and keeps having tantrums over little things. She gets really worked up, and I'm not coping with it - I seem to just make it worse in the moment.

This morning she kept asking me for Supergirl's real name, just before we were leaving the house for school (putting our shoes on). I said I did not know it - I thought she was just called Supergirl. She kept asking, getting more an more irate, saying that my DH had told her the name and there is 'another Supergirl'. I kept asking her to calm down and talk to me nicely, and telling her I did not know the answer, and to ask Dad.

It just got worse and worse - she speak in this whiny, shouty voice, crying voice and then she threw herself on the floor. It goes on, and on. In the moment I feel I have nowhere to go - she won't accept what I'm saying and won't calm down. I end up loosing my cool and really shouting, and this morning in her flapping about she fell and hurt her bottom.

I've just dropped her off at the school gate then cried all the way home.

This kind of tantrum happens every day, sometimes several times.. When she tantrums, I've tried threatening her with taking things away if she won't stop - but then it gets on to an argument and tantrum about that. I send her to her room sometimes, but she refuses to go initially or keeps coming out - so that's just another issue on top of the original one.

Please help!? I'm worried we are drifting apart.

OP’s posts: |
Peace425 Tue 11-Sep-18 09:46:18

Obviously in this instance, if we weren't about to leave the house, I could look up Supergirl's name! But this is just one example - the tantrums are over all sorts of things. Most of them, clothes.

OP’s posts: |
enidlowrij Thu 13-Sep-18 21:17:08

my nephew is rhe same age and is currently going theough the same thing. there feelings and emotions are musch to big for them its overwhelming they dont know how to cope with it. you find it difficult but i can assure you its harder for her, she has all these new big enotions running through her and she has no idea what to do with them, and shes going to school so she has to have self control all day and bottle up her feelings for hours. children werent designed to sit and listen by tables. all you can do is listen and make sure she understand that you understand and care about how she feels no matter how stupid, she wants to feel understood and that her feelings matter, and she wants to learn how to control them. so for instance my nephew had a meltdown and threw himself on the floor because he didnt want to be a dad he wanted to be a dog in the game and his brother didnt want a dog, i just asked him to explain to me firstly what got him to be upset secondly how he felt and just accepted his feelings and agreed with him that it does suck when you want to do something and someone else doesnt want the same thing and gave an example of something that ive been through so he could relate and told him how i sorted it and then asked him how he thinks he should sort his issue if he should continue to be upset or play along or ask nicely if he could be a dog or play another game and told him next time to think how to solve the problem without crying ect he literally got over it so quickly as soon as i just bent down to his height and showed him that i really wanted to hear him and understand him. its a shitty reason to cry about but to them its a big issue. also i would always say to practice mindfulness with your child and buy books on mindfulness and respect smile good luck x

selly24 Thu 13-Sep-18 22:40:59

I would try to describe what you are hearing from her and empathise immediately
Eg.
“You really wish you could remember that name! It feels so annoying. You are getting really cross. Come here for a hug and let’s calm down together. Or Why don’t you go punch that cushion/ lie on that bean bag ( I know you were on your way out .... so maybe- kick that pike of leaves!
( brightly) “ HEY, I’ve got a great idea. As soon as we are on our way/ I finish driving I can google it / text Dad to ask.

Loudly change subject to something exciting/ positive

Peace425 Tue 18-Sep-18 17:42:32

Thanks so much both of you! Some great ideas. When you explain it, it seems so obvious, but I was not doing those things. You've really helped. xx

OP’s posts: |
NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 18-Sep-18 19:15:31

My almost 5yo is doing epic tantrums at the moment, it’s actually preventing other people from wanting to be around her and meaning we are sort of stuck unable to go anywhere because at the moment I cannot depend on her reliably following instructions (basic stuff like don’t stand in the road and refuse to move please)

I’ve just sort of taken to observing her actions whilst attempting to help her manage them.

Doing that can to a degree help you figure out the issue and hopefully not contribute towards it.
My daughters are very very much goal led but very quickly decend into uncontrollable rage that gets even worse if any attention at all is given.

I’ve started a two warning then blanket no policy with her wants but being very clear about good and bad choices and the impact of bad choices. And then she’s removed from everybody else regardless of what the situation is.

So far it’s meant the screaming has got louder and longer but the violence towards others has massively reduced. Which is an improvement I’m sort of expecting it to get much much worse before it gets better but not being punched in the face I say a turn up for the books.

Cornwall73 Sat 22-Sep-18 13:41:13

My heart goes out to you. My daughter has always been challenging but since turning 5 a few weeks ago and starting school she is utterly impossible. Worst bit is that she is a twin and a jealous one at that.

Today she has been having a screaming fit since lunchtime because the dvd she was watching only had 5 episodes and she didn’t want to watch any of them. The screaming, shouting, kicking and pushing of me as I tried to help her choose a different dvd and look for something else she wanted was monumental.

Let me know how you handle it, very happy to learn from others

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