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My family is falling apart and I don't know what to do

(6 Posts)
proudmum77 Sat 08-Sep-18 08:46:43

I just don't know what to do........ I have 3 children - 13, 10 and 7. I have had the worst summer holidays ever. My 10 year old daughter has completely bullied me on a daily basis. She screams and shouts, when I start to tell her off she turns it around saying it wasn't her, blaming someone else. She says it's there fault she is naughty. She blames me for everything, like this morning one of her hairs was pulling and ter I put it in a ponytail. She completely went off it at me, shouting at me that it was my fault I can't do it right I can't even put her up proper etc. Everything I say she says it's me she tells me how horrible I am, she hates me, I make her life a misery and when she has reduced me to tears (which st the end of the holidays was most days) she calls me a cry baby. She can't talk to me civially, she has a go at her siblings for ridiculous things like having her feet to close to her. Now my 7 year old has started. I know a lot of it with him is learnt from her but he has started with same language saying I don't love him. This morning at the breakfast table my husband moved him up slightly (because my 10 year old was kicking off because he was too close) so he started kicking him. He told him off and it escalated resulting in him screaming and shouting, spitting in his dads face tipping all the chairs over, emptying my daughters bag andll over, throwing things including a rock and storming off to his bedroom. I just can't cope anymore. I don't know how to be a good mum I've tried, I'm just broken. It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm dreading it, I know how it'll end. I feel so useless. My husband tries but he's out at work most of the time and when he's not it ends in arguing. I'm sorry for the long post I just wanted to let it all out with the vain hope it might help..... I just can't cope anymore

OP’s posts: |
Donhill Sun 09-Sep-18 06:30:19

I’m so sorry you are having difficulty. It sounds bloody hard! My youngest ds is extremely forceful and can be very demanding and aggressive, but he is the youngest which at least means the older two don’t copy him and do the same. But I know how bad I can feel after difficult days with him, so i’m not surprised how you are feeling.
It sounds like you need a plan. I would continue to get through the days as well as you can, while you decide with your dh how to tackle it. Maybe give yourselves a month or something, to read childcare books (I have been recommended so many really helpful books on here), read the teenage section on here, speak to your doctor, any local support services and formulate a way to tackle it all., Even if he is out at work, your dh has to be part of the solution, so you show a united front when he is at home and so you feel more supported and can just talk to him about what is going on.
Really hope things improve. And happy birthday! Hope they make you feel appreciated.

nowifi Sun 09-Sep-18 13:21:30

So sorry too it sounds really stressful! Do you ever have any happy times with them? Happy Birthday too lots of hugs xx

SwimsMum Sun 09-Sep-18 22:27:18

I think it would make sense to see the GP and possibly get a referral to a child psychiatrist who will listen to you describe what is going on. I am in the process now of following that route because of the excessively aggressive, rude behaviour my ds has been presenting over the last two years or so. He also has a problem with his siblings' feet, among many other problems. This isn't normal behaviour for a young child. All children have ups and downs but it sounds like your dd has too many downs and is really struggling. I am looking into both cognitive therapy and medication for my ds. I'm finally feeling hopeful after a long time of being really crushed by it all. As hard as it is, don't blame yourself, but do seek good help. It sounds like you need it for yourself and to protect your family. All the very best to you.

enidlowrij Thu 13-Sep-18 21:26:33

no you are a good mum. some children are just difficult. but it does need to be dealt with asap before the younger ones dollow in her footsteps. first step you need a heart to heart without getting angry or shouting, you need to ask her in her room everything thatsbothering her after she tells you ask her what she thinks you need to do to be a better mom, you then tell her how you feel and what you want her to do to be a better daughter, she needs to understand problem solving group work and compromise. ask her if shed like one day off school to do something with you, and try and make it something where you have to bond work as a team and where you would actualy have fun like canoeing or something google bonding family things to do. i know i felt sometimes that me and my mum never got to spend time together and made me really resent her. but your husband too needs to do the same thing. your not alone. happy birthday and i sincerely hope you two have a heart to heart and she wont shut you out.

enidlowrij Thu 13-Sep-18 21:27:52

i would also ask her if shed like to go with you to gym classes or yoga or practice mindfulness with you or do couch to 5k or sonething.

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