DH and I completely disagree

(5 Posts)
svengoren10 Thu 06-Sep-18 14:39:37

Normally my DH and I have very similar values and opinions on raising our children and so far, have been united and harmonious......until now.

We have 3 DC, eldest of which is 5 and starting to push the boundaries. 80% of the time he is lovely. 20% he is messing around, not listening, not sitting still, not eating his dinner, not getting ready to leave the house when he should be, and most annoyingly , getting in his little brothers face and making him cry.

Until recently DH and I have been very strict and snappy with him in the hope that it's teaching him hard and fast what is/isn't acceptable. I'm slowly realising, that perhaps this isn't the best way and that all DC hears is constant criticism from us and not very much positivity or focussed attention. DH thinks I'm a soft touch and says he won't change his stance on this. Any tips gratefully received!

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Dairymilkmuncher Thu 06-Sep-18 16:48:33

I don't know how popular this is because it's very important that the parents are a team etc but i feel that no one parent or grown up is 100% correct in the way they discipline and teach and parent children so it's good for them to have slightly different approaches. Don't know if I've worded that right, but if he is getting into his brothers face and makes him cry and you explain to him that it's not very nice, try and find out why he did it in the first place, make him say sorry and distract him with something else and the next time he does it he gets snapped at by your husband and sent to his room he's getting the balance.

So long your husband isn't being over the top nasty or hitting him, although i would say shouting at a child while towering over them is always nasty and horrible unless it's to stop them getting run over or something like that

svengoren10 Thu 06-Sep-18 18:19:55

Thanks for your reply. I do agree with you, and I understand we both have slightly different styles. I agree that kids should have a balance. But on this occasion I really don't like the way he speaks to him. It's bordering on nasty. When he's really cross with DS gagging on his mashed potato, for example, he says things like 'what's wrong with you? Why can't you eat your dinner like everyone else' 'you're the worst eater out of all the kids' etc etc. I just want him to change his approach by not being so critical and praising the good things a bit more.

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Dairymilkmuncher Thu 06-Sep-18 20:05:03

That's not very nice at all I can see why you would be upset seeing your little ones spoken to like that.

For sure when you speak to him don't do it at the time it's an issue and in front of the kids, once the kids have gone to bed bring up that you didn't like the way he spoke to them. If he spoke to you like that and posted on here people would be telling you he's abusive and to leave him, how do you think he would react if you spoke to him like that even.

I'm not saying LTB but my brother in law spoke to my nephew like that and I hated it and couldn't say anything when I was little and now he's grown he's full of self doubt and mental health problems I think he could have done with more encouragement as a little boy and I really couldn't stomach it if my DH started the same with our DC

svengoren10 Fri 07-Sep-18 09:39:58

Thank you dairy I appreciate your input. You have just affirmed my fears that it'll have negative effects. We've tried having conversations about it but it ends in disagreement. I'll try again when we're both in a better mood.

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