Advanced search

DS (12) hates school, refuses to co-operate

(7 Posts)
AlphaJuno Wed 05-Sep-18 12:16:39

Not sure if this should be in 'education'? Anyway. DS has just started in Yr 8 at secondary school. I've just got back from a meeting with the pastoral year head and 2 other teachers where they basically outlined their expectations for him this year. Some background, last year he had a terrible year. I thought he was on the verge of being expelled 😟. He's never really excelled at school but since starting at secondary school at 11 his behaviour has worsened. This includes not doing work in lessons, being rude and swearing, truanting lessons, lateness and refusing to do homework.

Last year I was being emailed and called on near enough a daily basis due to his behaviour and refusal to engage at school. I'm not with his father but we have both talked to him at length about the consequences of this, as have teachers. He doesn't enjoy any of it and punishments seem to make him worse and make him shut down even more. He's had multiple detentions but he doesn't attend so they escalate and he ends up with more or isolations and then doesn't even know what they are for.

Today's chat the teachers were saying that he has to tow the line and attend every lesson otherwise they'll be consequences (I understand this) and they said to me if he keeps wandering around the school site, they haven't got the staff to deal with it and will be calling me to locate him! I had to go in a couple of times last year and tbh I don't think me being there helped, also I have a 5 month old baby and it's just not practical for me to be in and out of the school every five minutes. I told them this.

I also have a 10 yo dd who thankfully is nothing like this, she is the model student.

I just came away feeling quite depressed at the prospect of this year, in the meeting ds became sullen and negative. I can tell he finds school difficult and unenjoyable but he has to be there. I just can't see him achieving anything whilst he's there 😒

He is in the process of being assessed for adhd and asd, they are saying possible 'social communication disorder' but our local authority seems very slow at doing the assessments and dealing with it all. I just don't know where to go. If they keep calling me to deal with it or worse, expel him, I can't see another school being any better and I can't homeschool him as I've got too much on my plate with the other 2.

In the holidays, and with friends and people he knows, he's a different person. Happy, chatty and full of ideas. School just seems to turn him into an

OP’s posts: |
AlphaJuno Wed 05-Sep-18 12:18:28

Sorry hadn't finished. *an unhappy person.

OP’s posts: |
Andro Wed 05-Sep-18 14:40:30

He doesn't enjoy any of it and punishments seem to make him worse and make him shut down even more


He is in the process of being assessed for adhd and asd, they are saying possible 'social communication disorder'

Stand out for me; are you dealing with a case of 'won't' engage or 'can't' engage? You say his behaviour has worsened since starting high school; the increase in demands and expectations of moving up can be a trigger for a lot of people with ASD, the wheels fall off and 'just about coping' turns into meltdown, shutdown or MH issues.

SN:Chat is the busiest of the SN boards, a lot of the people there have children on the spectrum so it might be worth a browse (or reporting your OP and asking for it to be moved there.

AlphaJuno Wed 05-Sep-18 14:54:05

Thank you 😊

OP’s posts: |
JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 06-Sep-18 07:36:51

Is he under a Paeditrician for the assessments Alpha? If so, could you ring the Hospital and speak to his secretary to see if they can see him earlier?

Do the school know that he’s going for assessment too?

Like Andro, those two things stood out for me thanks

AlphaJuno Thu 06-Sep-18 16:37:32

Thanks @Jilted It was the school who suggested I get him assessed.. so we've gone as far as seeing gp and has had first assessment with a paediatrician. He's waiting for a speech and language therapist to come and observe him at school. They just seem to take ages doing anything and have lost forms a few times!

OP’s posts: |
AlphaJuno Thu 06-Sep-18 16:57:55

It's not actually a hospital. It's someone called 'virgincare' who are dealing with it.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in