This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Help- separation anxiety in 10 month old. What do I do?(4 Posts)
My happy little boy is having a few struggles. Understandable, we were expecting this around this age. Sleep has gone to pot but we'll deal with that in time.
My issue is that I cannot even take a three minute shower without him screaming/crying.
He has been a bit of an attached EBF baby, didn't plan it this way but have always tried to be very responsive to his needs without being overly precious.
Now this is getting silly. I put him in cot with several toys and words of reassurance for my quick body shower (next door) and he screams.
I'm not so concerned about his well being because I know he is safe and will be happy as soon as I'm back
I just don't know if I'm doing it all wrong. Going back ASAP before he stops screaming - does this mean he's going to assume screaming means he'll get his own way shortly (I mean this in the loosest sense- I know he's not a dog to be trained and he is still very young). But am I reinforcing the behaviour? I'm concerned it's bleeding into the night time now where he doesn't want to be left where he's previously been a so called good sleeper.
Conversely, by putting him there to scream in the first place, am I creating negative associations? Once I'd picked him up, I went back into room a few mins later with him in arms to pick up the toys and he started crying again.
This is wearing very thin, given the lack of sleep we're all suffering from. I'm not going to compromise and NOT shower. But I suppose my question is- will this phase pass naturally or can I influence it at all (either positively or negatively).
Since he is 10months old, I think it's perfectly reasonable (and very sensible) to stop being quite so attentive. He's learning that if he cries, even when nothing is wrong, you will come. This won't help him entertain himself or self soothe, which is a developmental phase he should be experiencing.
I think it would do you good to let him cry it out for a couple of minutes each time. Then, when you do attend to him, make no big deal of it. Then slowly increase the times you leave him. At night time, it's best to soothe him, giving him a gentle pat or stroke, but don't pick him up and it should get better.
Good luck, stay strong!
Thank you! I will implement this. I have been trying- ie leaving him when I shower and then when I pick him up and he continues to cry (now in room while I get dressed), I generally just carry on with my own thing and sing a song while he realises there's nothing to be sad about. He soon stops.
At night time though we tried the patting thing and he screamed for 90mins on one occasion. (sad face for lack of sleep and sanity, not for him crying- I know he's fine!)
You don't say how you settle him for naps and bedtime. This is a key time for children to feel confident when you are not with him. You say you will sort the sleep in time but it feels that this is a huge part of your problem. Gradual withdrawal works much better than controlled crying. Ask for help if you HV is good at sleep management.
Please login first.