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Behaviour/development

8 year old DD has suddenly morphed into a monster child!

4 replies

lu9months · 01/08/2018 18:07

DD previously was spirited, occasionally challenging but fun and loving and generally well behaved. over the last few days she has been absolutely revolting, answering back and hurling things (like pillows) around, being very rude and refusing to listen. she's even shoved (gently) her beloved dog. she won't engage in any conversations about it and just says she's not being rude . I've taken screen time away but its not helping. help!! any thoughts ?

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Servalan · 01/08/2018 21:20

It sounds like she's angry about something. Might something have happened that's upset her?

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lu9months · 02/08/2018 07:09

thanks for the reply - ive tried to ask her but she either denies she is being rude, or refuses to engage. I suggested she write a story, and when I looked at it she had written 'bla bla bla and on and on and on and on'...

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Servalan · 02/08/2018 10:26

Sounds like she possibly feels pressurised.

I know it's something I have to be careful with with my DD. She finds talking about difficult feelings tricky too and I've found in her case that a gentle approach with lots of space is the best.

Of course all kids are different, but I've definitely learned to back off, otherwise my anxiety can filter through and that'll stress her out and she'll find it harder to trust that I will be calm and hold things together.

Maybe rather than asking her why she's being rude, which may seem like an accusation, a different tack may be to reflect that she seems unhappy and that you love her and that you will love her whatever she says to you. And then back off (which seems really counter intuitive I know). Give her time and space to absorb that message and reinforce it from time to time. Give her times where she can be quiet with you and where there are opportunities to talk, but not the expectation to talk if you see what I mean.

I'm not saying don't have boundaries around throwing things and unacceptable behaviour like that, but if at all possible try to keep it calm and consistent and on those occasions tell her that you love her and you're there to listen.

I hope none of this sounds patronising - you may of course be doing all of this already! I hope things improve, sounds like it's difficult for all of you

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lu9months · 02/08/2018 20:40

no thanks it is really helpful. I've just had a stand up screaming row with her, not something i have done before, and I'm not proud of it, but she was screaming at me and my calm exterior broke..didnt seem to phase her, but i know it must really and I'm the adult so i need to calm down and back off.