Advice needed 3 year old that struggles with change

[Gem1106]

So i have joined mumsnet for some advice as i really dont know what to do. My daughter is now 3 and still has the behaviour problems she has always had once there is any change about to happen. She is such a loving, caring and thoughtful young lady, but as soon as there is anything different she is literally the opposite. I find myself avoiding taking her places, im careful with things i say and am basically tip-toeing around her again at the moment. We are moving home in a couple of weeks so she is leaving her currently nursery. I understand its a big step for her to adapt to but she has been a nightmare. From the moment she wakes up (between 5-6am at the moment) until she falls asleep at night she pretty much has the attitude that she will do what she wants to do. She will scream out randomly, hit, throw things argue with literally anything and tell me 'im not her best friend anymore' when i tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable. If at home i put her in her room, with her repeatedly coming back out i do not back down as i know how important that is. If we are out i walk away from what we are doing, or walk out of the shop, leave the park so she is pre-warned and fully aware of the consequenses yet she still wont do as she is told. If she was always like this I can understand a bit better that its bad behaviour but it is really only when there is something different going on. If we have someone stay with us its triggered (nanny as she lives so far from us), if her sister goes out, if we attempt to go to eat out... we have actually given up trying to eat out with her now. Does anyone have any ideas of why this might be? I have spent 3 years so far just trying to cope with it and adapt whilst she has these episodes but i think its time for a gps advice. It just seems embarassing to say that 'im struggling to cope' with my own childs behavior. Im all out of ideas and any asvice will be appreciated. Thanks xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Welcome to MN OP and sorry to hear that you’re struggling. Do Nursery have any concerns at all?

[Gem1106]

No, she is fine at nursery they have recently seen her outbursts with me and were shocked. I just dont know if i continue to tip toe around her of it I should go a bit harder on her. As its episodes though im sure its something more underlying than bad behavior x

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If you think there’s something more OP, and in my experience you should trust your instincts, have a read up on ASD in girls. I’m not an expert but I think they can often behave well in the educational setting when they’re young and have trouble with change