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3 year old - sudden deterioration in behaviour at nursery(5 Posts)
I have 3 year old identical twin boys and a 19 month old boy. All go to nursery full time. On collection I used to hear how great it was to have them in their respective classes but that changed for the older two, one day in April this year.
On that day one of the twins had been laughing in adults faces and lashing out at them. I heard about this in the open plan classroom, surrounded by other parents. I was given no explanation as to context or possible triggers.
I heard later that the teacher in charge of the Pre-school, DS’s key worker who he adores, was on holiday. My child is really sensitive to criticism (real or perceived), even if only through tone of voice of body language - and embarrassment. When he was about 18 months / 2 yrs we had to make a conscious effort to ignore misdemeanours and heavily praise his good behaviour otherwise, telling him off would lead him in to a negative spiral of bad behaviour. He matured out of that at home but has moved to that behaviour at nursery since this one day in April. His bahoiur is now becoming extreme (hitting, biting staff, throwing big items at other etc).
The nursery manager has had to educate the staff not to stand with their hands on their hips, not to stand around him in a crowd if he’s upset and to talk with him without patronising or an accusatory tone. I don’t think they are consistent. This has gone on so long that he gets angry and embarrassed at small things at nursery now.
They ‘distract’ him with one on one activities and cuddles which I think he now sees as a reward. They won’t use time outs.
The change was sudden. The behaviour only happens at nursery. I suspect it stems from one particular adult trying to take him to task overzealously for something he may not even realised was wrong to do that day in April. Nursery keeps focusing on him having to change his behaviour whereas I think they need to identify what triggered this and we unravel it from there.
Three month on, his twin has identified that bad behavious wins cuddles / drawing time so now behaves poorly sometimes too.
Tonight we were told they (both twins!) can’t attend full time any more but only 9am to 3pm three days per week. We both work full time so these hours don’t work.
Anyone experienced or dealt with anything similar? The health visitor hasn’t come up with anything, nor has some other child care person from the local authority or the nursery SENCO.
That does sound tough for everyone concerned. I would go to the GP without him and ask for a referral to a Paeditrician to get him assessed. His sensitivity and behaviour does sound extreme OP.
What are your options now? Are you and DH going to reduce your hours or get a childminder or Nanny?
And I’ve just realised that you’ve put your RL name st the bottom of the post. I’d ask MNHQ to edit it out as it can be identifying
Firstly hats off to you Ginger for having three little ones, I only have twin boys and they are more than enough of a handful!!
I would second a visit to a GP and/ or a SALT clinic if you can get there, to rule out any possible health-related causes. My DTS1 is going through an awful biting phase at the moment which I think is due to his poor language skills, he is well behind other children at 2.9. We have a hearing test booked but not until after term ends, such a shame as preschool have had to discuss the issue with me too
Would it be possible/ practical to change nurseries if this one isn't willing to work with you? Presumably you get the free childcare hours (still waiting for ours!) therefore you could change to somewhere else that will still offer full time care?
Sorry to hear that you (and your DC) are having a tough time - might also be worth a call to TAMBA to see if they can assist!
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