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Worried about my step daughter

(3 Posts)
Chloes98 Tue 26-Jun-18 18:46:04

I'm worried about my partners 9 year old daughter. So me and my partner have been together a year and a half and expecting our first baby in just 4 weeks now. We both live with my mum at the moment, moving out in August. Anyway so I met her last summer after being with my partner about 7 months (we wanted to make sure before introducing me to her). We automatically got on really well, she grew close to me fairly quickly. So she's supposed to stay with us every weekend, sometimes just the Saturday, sometimes Friday and Saturday. But the last 4-5 months she's been barely coming, there's been times we haven't seen her for a month then she'll come one weekend, then again not for another 2 weekends etc. She's very close to her mum and her mum's partner/his children. And her mum can be quite difficult with just not showing to drop her off or cancelling last minute. But it's getting less and less. Last weekend she was here Friday and Saturday (after not seeing her for 2 weekends) and she constantly asked when her mum was picking her up, if she could call her, that she missed her etc (she's never usually this bad). Friday night she was crying but said it was because her stomach hurt (she has been getting growing pains). Then Saturday night she was hysterically crying, saying she missed her mum etc. So she went home lunch time Sunday, I found folded paper around the bedroom, some just drawings of her, her mum and younger brother. Others were letters to her mum or songs she had wrote, saying she misses her mum, and she wrote she always cries herself to sleep when she stays here but doesn't want to tell us because she thinks we will be annoyed. I genuinely think it's her saying she doesn't want to come and that's why she hasn't been coming round much (she didn't even come round on fathers day). But we try to do fun things, keep busy etc and she does seem excited about the baby etc. Unsure what to do next? There's obviously a reason she doesn't like coming here but I don't think she was like this before but I'm unsure. Someone please advice me on how to approach this.

OP’s posts: |
Betty74 Tue 26-Jun-18 23:38:20

Oh bless her, that’s so sad!
I have a 9 year old daughter and she has become very clingy over the last few months. I put it down to hormones.
You said her mum can be difficult at times but is this something you can talk to her about?
Maybe your partner and her mum can sit down with her and ask her?
Is she close to her dad? I know it will be hard for him but maybe don’t put pressure on her to visit, things might change when the baby arrives and she can help out and play mini mummy.
It could be something or it could just be hormones. I would try talking to her mum and then possibly sitting down together and talking to her xx

Chloes98 Wed 27-Jun-18 10:40:44

We do speak to her mum when needed, she can just be very difficult at times. Sometimes she seems quite close to her dad, other times not really. I may speak to my partner and suggest them talking about it all, we've never pressured her in coming round. But it's just what happened the weekend that's worrying and quite upsetting.

OP’s posts: |

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