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I feel like my 3.7 year old hates me

(7 Posts)
Sephoralyte Mon 11-Jun-18 02:39:39

I am a only parent to a preschool daughter and in order to cover the almost 5,500$ a month in expenses? I must work 7 days a week. commission based job. This means daycare And overnight weekend sitter away from home. She has the most incredible sitters who take her everywhere Spoil her camping snow boardering amusements parka etc. All the things I can’t do as it’s kust me and her. No father and no extra support. When she comes home from a weekend she is so happy to see me for about a hour then she starts kicking hitting biting has ripped out my hair a few times and I can’t gelp but get upset and sometimes even burst into tears. In front of her because I just don’t understand why she wants to hurt me and why she thinks it’s funny. I’ve tried time outs, time ins, taking away iPad no store after daycare everything. And nothing works. I just went through 3 hours tonight of this and I swear I have not been able to stop bawling since 30 mins ago when I couldn’t take anymore and left her screaming in her bed as her bedtime was a hour ago. I am really starting to think I’m a horrible mother but I cannot fathom what I did to deserve this. Please help because I don’t know how much more I can take

AjasLipstick Mon 11-Jun-18 03:30:12

I just don’t understand why she wants to hurt me

She doesn't want to hurt you...she's 3 and doesn't understand anything...she sounds overwhelmed and overtired.

Can I ask why your expenses are so high? It sounds like a hideous working life for you....7 days a week is not doable in the long term.

Where do you live? Do you own or rent?

If the money you earn is covering living expenses, I suppose you're not saving anything either....when DD gets older, this will get even harder to manage unfortunately...once she hits school, she will need you even more.

I am not trying to make you feel bad but there has to be a change for you OP. 7 days a week is awful.

Sephoralyte Mon 11-Jun-18 04:44:59

I live in Canada. My rent is 1300.00$ a month. Daycare is 900.00$ a month. Taxi to and from daycare as I don't drive yet is 700.00$ a month. weekend sitters are 1200.00$ a month. Bills are 400.00$ a month. Then there is overnight diapers food clothes for her and other things like personal hygiene products and such. I rent as I can't afford to buy a home yet. I must work weekends as I wouldn't even barely come close to the amount needed if I just worked weekdays and just weekends? Same thing. I must do both. I work from home so it's at least not that stressful. I have been doing this job for 8 years now and I did take 7 months off when she was born which took all of my savings. I refuse to get on welfare as I am able to work. Also? Welfare is 1620.00 a month which would barely cover the rent. And out here no job would come close to the amount I make now. Minimum wage for a 40 hour work week full time is 13.75$ a hour and our government takes 49% per pay check. And I know she is 3 I just feel like a failure because she can't possibly understand the sacrifices I'm making to ensure her needs are met. I am taking a couple weeks off in early August and she will be home every single day of those two weeks as I miss my child. I just have run out of ideas to try to shift myself so her behaviour changes. It's never the child's fault. It's 100% mine I just don't know how to change to fix this sad

nordicwannabe Mon 11-Jun-18 09:41:45

I agree with a previous poster that this isn't sustainable. I think you need to look at reducing your outgoings so that you can have regular weekend days off.

E.G. You are paying 1200 in weekend childcare out of total income/outgoings of 5500 a month. Is weekend work very much more lucrative than weekday work? If not, then working 5 days a week instead of 7 would lose you income of 1500, but reduce your costs by 1200. ie you are only 300 better off a month for working all your weekends! Two weekends off a month would only cost you 150. Can you reduce your other outgoings to cover that?

Ask the daycare to pass a letter to the other parents to see if anyone would like to liftshare, with you contributing to the travel cost. 700 a month on taxis is a lot!

Maybe look at moving to reduce rent and/or travel costs to daycare.

Maybe there's another parent you work with who you could do childcare swaps with - eg you each take both kids for one weekend while the other works. Ie each month you have one weekend working (which earns you 300) one weekend looking after both children, and 2 weekends off with your daughter. This actually leaves you with the same income as at present.

If you are worrying that your daughter will miss out on camping, amusement parks etc if she isn't with the weekend sitters, then don't!! She'd much rather have some time with you, especially at this age.

(As an aside: personally I'd prioritise having weekends off for a few months over a single 2 week break, but that's obviously personal choice. But do be careful not to build so much expectation on those 2 weeks that it overwhelms you both, and you end up getting upset at each other)

nordicwannabe Mon 11-Jun-18 09:53:28

Might be worth explicitly offering a reasonable amount for shared lifts in your letter out to the other parents.

I imagine that any parents living reasonably close by would bite your arm off at an offer of 300 per month to take your daughter along with them to daycare! And the 400 you save is enough to stop working weekends, and pay for some weekend outings with your daughter.

Problem solved wink

Sephoralyte Tue 12-Jun-18 14:56:52

I appreciate all the replies xox however I have tried to take weekends off and a commission based job means no set salary. And the money is never guaranteed. As it is I take evenings off and only work 9-4 weekdays. I've had some months where even working 7 days a week did not generate enough to cover all the expenses. And bills started to pile up. I have been working 7 days a week for 8 years and I handle it very well as being commission means if I am sick or my child is sick I can take a few days off. I work from home but because it's telephone and email support unfortunately I am not able to do that with my beautiful toddler bouncing all over. I do not become stressed by work or overwhelmed with that at all. It is the Behavior issues that are less frequent yes, but still happen. Once she slept all night she was all love and happiness yesterday and this morning. I am also working at establishing a online business which naturally will take time, but the intention since she was born was to do that so I can have another avenue of income and eventually quit my current job. I have successfully launched 3 online businesses however I chose the 'wrong' industry to attempt it in. The market in Canada and everywhere became over saturated extremely quickly. And shipping outside Canada was illegal. (E juice/vaping businesses) those 3 failed. This one now is in a entirely different industry so I am extremely hopeful it will succeed but it will take time. I also have been working towards minimizing travel costs. I took my road test yesterday so I can get a vehicle and drive. Gas wouldn't cost more than 40$ a week VS 25-30$ a day on taxis just to daycare and back. In winter here, it gets to -50 Celsius with wind chill and we have winter 6 months of the year. Start of November to end of April. So any exposed skin at those temps in dangerous as frostbite happens in minutes. The work is easy for me. parenting seems so much harder sad

AjasLipstick Wed 13-Jun-18 06:31:49

Would an aupair be better? You could get one part time?

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