10yo daughter struggling socially

[Thatsnotme]

I'm really upset and worried about my dd. She's in year 5 and really struggles with friend groups. She appears more mature than most in her class and is very sensitive to things people say. This isn't a new thing. I'm now worried she says things like I wish I had a best friend. To my knowledge she's usually kind but doesn't seem to understand the bitchy stuff which goes on amongst the girls and this stresses her out as she can't seem to please anyone because she doesn't take sides. I'm wondering if she has social issues, but I remember being much like this at school. I just didn't get all the agro between girls. Any advice please, do I take her to the Dr, speak to the teacher? It's really upsetting me at the moment.

[emvy]

It sounds very normal to me. I’m a year 4 teacher and have also taught year 5 in the past. Children are so so different in how they manage their social groups - some girls can be very forthcoming, some take the sidelines. Some can be incredibly manipulative and unkind, others go out of their way to please others and will “go with the flow” as it were. How does your daughter feel about her friends? You say that she doesn’t pick sides - i’m guessing this can cause her to become quite frustrated when her friends fall out? Maybe just having a word with her about how friends say things they don’t mean sometimes and we all fall out sometimes but always make up again. Girl social groups are so complex at this age and them being unkind to each other is very normal, sadly. I would just continue to talk to her about social issues that have arisen after school so you can work through them together. If she’s particularly upset by things and you’re finding she’s reluctant to come to school or invite friends home then I’d speak to her teacher about it then. I hope that wasn’t too rambly and made some sort of sense?