My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

19mo won't stop breastfeeding day & night

13 replies

mugOfCoffee · 31/05/2018 10:21

Literally every 5-10 mins he is saying "feedy" and getting hysterically upset if I don't comply. Distraction hardly works at all - results in me dragging a whining/screaming toddler by the hand (if out) or him shrieking & thrashing on the floor (if home). If I refuse he gets so wound up he forgets what the issue was and screams and hiccups for an hour or more and can't even breastfeed he's so upset.

He's always been a poor sleeper and a frequent feeder but this is extreme.

He hardly eats no real need given all the breastmilk though will eat a reasonable variety e.g. lentil pilaf, carrot/beans/spinach soup, asparagus risotto, hard cheeses: likes rich umami stuff, though also will hoover up pom bears or icecream when rarely on offer, so has fairly typical toddler tastes if he gets the opportunity.

Sleep is typically 2 hours in the day, 2 hours in the evening then wake & demand to feed every few minutes the whole rest of the night. He is clearly sleep deprived but can't stay asleep after the initial bit of sleep at night.

He is in 3--4 yo clothes and the height of a normal 3yo. Weight is proportional or a bit under for height (ie he tracks far above 100th centile for height and something like 95th for weight for a 19mo, but his BMI is 50th centile or lower for the given height). Family are tall but this looks like being huge due to overfeeding to me.

I am exhausted. I have been existing from day to day on adrenaline for a year or more. I am so tired I can't drive or work. DH is helpful but works and needs to sleep to hold down a job. He gets his 6 hours a night in the other room while I am in with DS, feeding/cosleeping/not sleeping as DS wakes, cries, feeds, sleeps, on a 10 minute cycle all night. Me being in a different room or DH being in with DS makes no difference. Sleep training hasn't worked have tried CC, gradual withdrawal, DH being in there, each for 3 weeks nothing made any difference other than to make the feeding and sleeping worse and worse.

I don't want to stop breastfeeding completely but this is unsustainable.

Anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
Report
mugOfCoffee · 31/05/2018 10:42

Also day sleep is increasingly frequently 10 mins on me while attached to boob, then wake on transfer to cot & not go back to sleep, just feed for 2 hours straight.

He is latched on for something like 18 hours a day.

And DH wants a second child. What a joke. Thankfully DH understands lactational amenohhoea and is ok with me refusing sex because there is so little time when I have noone attached to me.

OP posts:
Report
Nsbgsyebebdnd · 31/05/2018 19:54

Oh you poor thing- my little one was a nightmare feeder but only until he was one and then only at night.
I've not got much advice but wanted to say I don't know how you've coped for so long and you deserve a break.
Have you tried sleep training techniques? What happens if you're out in the day?

Report
Nsbgsyebebdnd · 31/05/2018 20:02

Sorry missed the part that answered all my questions! Interrupted by kids.
Really hope someone comes with good suggestions soon. I think you may need to go away for a few days but that's no good if you want to continue bf - although maybe you could express.

Report
mugOfCoffee · 31/05/2018 20:57

Thankyou

Yes - increasingly I am thinking I may need to stop breastfeeding in order to reset the relationship. I talked to a HV who (as her first response, unprompted by me) offered to refer me to a breastfeeding clinic so I could get help with stopping. I initially had disgruntled "grr breastfeeding should last much longer, silly people who tell others to stop before age 2" etc thoughts, but on reflection it is not clear how else a reset might work.

Going away for a few days isn't really an option as DH needs to work 7 days a week (academic). It does sound extremely attractive though...

OP posts:
Report
Nsbgsyebebdnd · 31/05/2018 21:32

I know I got a point with my ds where I wasn't functioning anymore. It was making me miserable so I became resolute. I'm still bf but only before bed and resorted to leaving the house at night (2 nights) to stop night feeds. Not ideal and certainly not for everyone.
I don't know how you've coped and I think the focus should be on you now. You've done everything you can so far and it sounds like you're at a point where you've decided things have to change. I think you'll know when you're ready to stop bfing etc. I really hope you get things sorted soon- you need a break!!! You're important too!

Report
nogreenfingers · 02/06/2018 09:10

Is there anything else going on with him, allergies? Teething? Pain of some sort?

Report
mugOfCoffee · 02/06/2018 11:01

almost certainly teething. Possibly allergies as he has eczema. Paracetamol makes no difference. When he was EBF and had what looked like a food allergy, cutting loads of stuff (including dairy and soy) out of my diet for a bit over 3 months, made no difference.

OP posts:
Report
MessyBun247 · 02/06/2018 14:06

I cut out the day feeds when DD2 was 19months. I couldn’t sit down during the day without her demanding milk and it made me miserable so I just told her milky was sleeping, and offered her a sippy cup of milk and cuddles instead. She took it better than I thought and wasn’t distressed, just angry whingeing for a while. She’s 28 months now and still feeds at night which I don’t mind.

Once they are toddlers they don’t need to be latched on all day so set your limits and stay strong.

Report
nogreenfingers · 02/06/2018 21:44

Egg is a big eczema culprit, although sure you've tried eliminating that.

DS has allergies to dairy soy and egg. It was really hard to get on top of. It took two years to work out what was causing it and I had to be ultra strict in the end. Soy is in everything, most breads, veg oil (used everywhere), E471 can be a soy derivative and is pretty much everything. I'm a coeliac so used to cutting stuff out but it was hard.

He would be very demanding when in pain. The boobs are so comforting for them so he was on them a lot when inadvertently given something he couldn't have. It was a sign I had made a mistake somewhere food wise.

Of paracetamol doesn't help, it could be allergy related. Have you tried antihistamines?

Report
mugOfCoffee · 05/06/2018 13:18

Thanks.

When cutting stuff from my diet I just went straight to unprocessed foods, made it easier to avoid soy and dairy derivatives. As the eczema is now getting worse, and he seemed to react 2 days in a row to eating yoghurt (stomach cramps? and smelly nappy), I've gone back to eating only unprocessed food (specifically cutting out dairy and soy), as of this weekend just past. I'm so bloody hungry i could eat a horse, but he seems to be slightly better on sleep the last few nights... will see what happens. Obviously it could easily take a couple of months to make a difference.

OP posts:
Report
mugOfCoffee · 05/06/2018 21:44

Actually just settled him back to sleep with only 20 mins of crying & no feed.

No dairy, and dinner 2 hours before bedtime, might be on the right track...?

OP posts:
Report
nogreenfingers · 09/06/2018 08:41

Oh that's sounds like progress! How's the rest of the week been?

Report
mugOfCoffee · 11/06/2018 13:24

Daytimes have definitely improved as DS is much more distractable most of the time. Nights still not great, as his favourite sleeping position is on the boob, feeding in his sleep... but he seems better in himself. Not convinced it's definitely dairy or soy but we'll keep off them for a while and see what transpires.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.