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I need advice please(4 Posts)
Hi! I'm new here.
Okay, make yourselves a cuppa, because this is a long one!
For the past year and a half, me and my son have been uprooted and under a lot of stress. A past relationship was strained by my partners family, constantly causing trouble especially at my son's school as they had children in the same class, and constantly making up allegations and calling the police to my house. Eventually, after a year of trouble, I removed my son from school as he was terrified to go, and we moved cross country back to where I am originally from. Now, my son is nearly 6 (next month), and has settled in nicely at school. He didn't start off so great and played up, so the teachers put him down as Special educational needs. This was understandable after everything that had happened previously. It is now 6 months later and I have heard nothing about the SEN, is this normal? He is undergoing speech therapy and is being referred to a peadiatrician for possible tourettes syndrome. He has had several tics since he was 4 and nearly 2 years later they are still here, if not worse. We have nice neighbours who have children, he is a very active child and loves nothing more than playing outside with them. The problem is hitting. When he is over excited, he hits. I know it is not done nastily, but I do not want him hitting. Does anyone have any suggestions that I could try to help him? I have made him go and apologise to the little girl and take his favourite toy for her to play with for the rest of the day, which upset him. I also sat him down and explained that hitting is wrong etc, but I know sometimes he's just in the moment. So if anyone can relate, how did you stop your child hitting when over excited?
Even though your son has been through a lot, I think he could benefit from a firmer strategy. Saying sorry is crucial, of course, but not if you have to convince him to mutter the word while the children he might have hit need to wait and wait. Sorry, you didn't say that this was the case but it just made me remember a friend who used to do it. Her son used to hit everyone in the playground and then the kids had to politely wait until she managed to extract an apology from him. That just made kids dread him even more! Giving his favourite toy for a day to the girl seems misguided... You shouldn't involve the kids he hit in your punishment and encourage some sort of feeling of vindication. If he hits them, you should bring him back home immediately. This is totally unacceptable and for your neighbours' sake and your DS' sake you should not tolerate a second of it. Say sorry in his name if he doesn't seem willing to do so and, with or without the sorry, keep him in until he understands that hitting doesn't compensate from being deprived of his favourite thing, which is playing outside. In my experience, this will definitely work better than trying to reason with him, specially if he still needs to be reasoned with about hitting at this age. If there are really underlying problems like Tourette etc., then you should ask for professional advice on how to deal with this. The risk is that your soft approach will make people dread being in your son's company. That means no play dates, no party invites and a general rejection that could really be detrimental to his social life. The best of luck for you!
Oh I am very tough on him, sometimes I feel bad on how tough I actually am. He was willing to apologise it was off his own back, hes always been good at apologising if he's in the wrong and I make him give a reason for why he is apologising as I don't want them to be just empty words. He was brought straight home and grounded yesterday which he did not like. Maybe you're right about the toy, it was the fact they were arguing over a certain toy that wasnt his and trying to bring it home so I thought he should give the little girl one. This worked out fine as she soon gave him a hug and brought him over a teddy! I know kids fight and make up I just don't want him being punished 24/7 so looking for other strategies to help him. I've got a meeting with his school this week so asking them for advice too as the hitting has only just recently begun! Wish me luck!
I'm glad it went well with your neighbour and good luck!!