DD (4yo) hitting, kicking, biting - what can I do?

[iwasagirlinavillage]

DD1 has started acting out over the past couple of months. I know why - me and her Dad separated last year and at the beginning of this year what she knew as her home was sold and we (me, her and her younger sister) moved in to our new flat. She likes the flat but she's obviously got a lot of anger. Her Dad also went away for a month and didn't see them, she told me around this time she was worried she'd never see him again. After the separation we lived with my parents for about 8 months so I know she's missing Nanny and Grandad too, although we still see them a lot and they stay at my parents house once a week. On top of this she has some health problems - chronic lung disease and she recently had a bronchoscopy which showed she has a chest infection which they think has been there for a few months. She's currently on her third course of antibiotics since January.

She is brilliantly behaved for everyone else - her Dad, at nursery, my parents. I understand completely why she takes it out on me - I'm her safe place and she knows she can and I'll still always be here. If someone else is here when she gets really angry she will hit, kick or throw things at them too, which includes her younger sister too (although she doesn't use as much force with her and she looks to me for a reaction).

I just don't know how to respond to this. At the moment I've been taking her to her bedroom, telling her we don't hurt people or break things and then leaving the room. She comes back out, does something else and we go through it all over again. These tantrums are going on for an hour to 2 hours at a time and start over seemingly nothing. This morning I woke up with her hitting me over the head, really hard. I know it isn't her fault. I know that she has a lot to contend with, she has every right and reason to be angry but I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I'm handling it all wrong. She's also been hitting herself and she throws herself around on the floor which means she's getting hurt.

I bought a reward chart to try to highlight her positive behaviour but that just seems to be another trigger for tantrums

I'm stuck. I'm trying but I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any tips or advice?

[iwasagirlinavillage]

I meant to add that DD2 is now copying her so she's hitting and throwing things as well. Obviously she's seeing it as normal behaviour.

I really don't know what to do.

[Whatafrickennightmare]

I am going through the same with my 4year old minus the divorce and moving, but we have had some change in our routine with our DSS who has stopped coming to ours. He hits me, spits on the floor , says he hates me and goes into meltdowns. Hopefully someone will come along with some advice. X