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7 Year old Talking about sex!(9 Posts)
So ons Friday evening my daughter 7 came up to me and asked that we have a talk. We have a strong bond and she comes to me about almost everything I just hope when she is a Teen we can still have this amazing bond. All ladylike she sat down on the sofa and started talking to me about sex "she calls it making out" I was stunned.
I asked her what does she think sex "making out" is. She said when boys and girls kiss without clothes on. I asked her where did she here it?
She replied, On TV and then I saw mommy and daddy. (Just to clarify we went to visit my parents and in the farm house there is a bedroom connecting to another bedroom with just a arch. That's where we slept. Our children on one side and us on the other. After a family reunion me and my husband had slightly drank to much.... "my kids where with my mother so they were safe" We went to bed at about 01:00 in the morning and we thought she was sleeping. She apparently woke up because the bed made noises" FML
So after she poured her heart out and all her concerns.
I calmly spoke to her on a age appropriate level. And said that God created a special gift called sex "making out" for married moms and dads. It is really special and only married people do it. I told her that it is a secret and that she should not tell other children about it because then there parents will be sad that they could not tell there kids about the special gift God sends us when we are older and married.
She then came up and Pinky swore that she will not tell anyone. In our house the pinky is the biggest commitment ever and if you break the pinky you have broken the trust.
I have experienced it when I make a promise to take her to the Zoo once and that day it was raining she was heartbroken. She never made me forget and I had to earn her trust back after along struggle.
Note to self- WE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.
Did I handle the situation correctly?
What are your thoughts
You have told her lies: perhaps you could have told her that adults do it and then talk to her about your beliefs about keeping it within the context of marriage then or when she is older . Making her promise not to tell anyone is disturbing. It is not her job to police when other children learn about sex. Making it a secret makes it a dirty secret she has to keep or she is letting her mother down.
Why have you lied rather than be honest at an age appropriate level?
Is this a US thing?
I guess if you are religious and feel that sex is a gift from God that only married people do, then yes. I wouldn't have said it was a secret though, that's giving the wrong impression.
With saying that it is a secret.
I dont want my 7 year old to go to school telling the other children about it. I know i would be livid if another child told her. I just felt that every parent should have the time to tell there children about it.
Do they not have basic sex education at school?
Well here in SA they dont start learning about in Life orientation at about 10/11 i think might be mistaken
If truth is important in your family then you should have given her a truthful reply.
I'd also be wondering about her tv viewing habits. At 7, the closest thing to sex that my kids saw in movies was 2 clothed teens/adults kissing on the sofa/bed. Definitely no nakedness- man without a top, woman showing a bar strap tops.
It's a shame you told her to be secretive about it. Associate sex with shame for kids, especially with their first encounter, won't discourage them from having sex later, but it will make the sort of associations that make it easier for them to be taken advantage of sexually. It might internalise the idea that sex is shameful and you need to 'hide your shame' rather than talk to someone if you have problems around sex or have found yourself in an abusive situation. And that's not healthy.
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