Nursery wants SENCO to assess 3.5yo DD

[nightowl28]

My daughter's nursery wants to have SENCO assess her during play and focus sessions. At parents evening they told us she can often seem like she's in her own world and they have to keep getting her attention back. They also said her social/emotional behaviour could be better, e.g winging and whining for things instead of asking calmly. In short they want better attention span and better social emotional skills.

She's otherwise confident and happy and enjoys nursery. She's imaginative and is smart. Teacher even said cognitively she's doing great. Part of me doesn't want to start this can of worms and part of me thinks well if there's something best to know early.

But isn't she just too young to be expecting these things of her?

Do nursery's refer kids to SENCO often? Is it done sensitively? I kind of feel like it's unfair on my DD to be put through this.

What would they be assessing for?

Going crazy overthinking this.

[saison4]

Part of me doesn't want to start this can of worms and part of me thinks well if there's something best to know early.

getting a child assessed/observed if a possible area of need has been identified is not opening a can of worms. why wouldn't you want help for her to be put in place of that is what she needs.

Your nursery seems very much on the ball. just go with it and never refuse this kind of help/support.

[saison4]

I kind of feel like it's unfair on my DD to be put through this.

I really think you need to get a grip. you are not putting your DD through anything by getting her observed or assessed.

[nightowl28]

Yes I know I do need to get a grip. Very well aware of it but a combination of my PND and anxiety makes me not think straight.

I'm so worried that they will find something and it will prevent her from furthering in her life. like ASD or ADD. Does that happen? Google search has taken me down a deep dark hole.

Will she be singled out? Will she feel different because of her treatment by others?

[saison4]

well, if she has ASD then she will have it regardless of 'formal' diagnosis (and Senco can not dx these - they can only refer her on for further assessment if they feel this is needed).

But let's just say she has ASD, then a diagnosis will open doors to support that remain otherwise closed. I have a child with ASD and learning difficulties - not saying it is easy but it is really not the end of the world either. She seems to be doing well in many aspects. I really think you are getting ahead of yourself.

[User14567891]

The SENCo will be one of the senior nursery staff. Sorry if you know that already, but the way you phrased it sounds like she’s being referred to another agency. It’s very unlikely she will realise that she is being observed/assessed, so don’t worry about that.
It’s very common for SENCos to assess children. They will either decide no further action is needed, or they can give her some extra support in nursery or (less likely from what you’ve said in your OP) from another profession e.g. speech and language, paediatrician, etc.
If she does need some extra support it will be much better for her if she gets it as early as possible.

[nightowl28]

saison4 thanks for your reply. I know you are right. I understand asd is a spectrum and every child is different but can they take part in normal school if they're a high functioning asd?

She's got into the school that we felt would be great for her and her future and it breaks my heart to think they could turn around and say they won't keep her on if they feel they can't support her. I don't even know if it is ASD.

[User14567891]

It would be illegal for a school to reject a child because they have ASC. Having a diagnosis would mean she’s more likely to get extra funding for a TA to support her if she needs that.
But I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself. From what you’ve said she is doing fine in most areas but just needs a bit of help in some areas.

[nightowl28]

I really hope you're all right and that I'm just being stupid. Thanks for your reassuring comments. X

[saison4]

they cannot reject her in the basis of an ASD dx. the only way a school can refuse a child if if they feel the education of that child would be to the disadvantage of the other children. This sometimes happens but usually only for very severely affected children with very challenging behaviour. My DD has severe learning difficulties on top of her Asd and is in mainstream with top up funding.

[nightowl28]

Does anyone know if school SENCO forwards on notes to GP automatically or do they need parents consent first?

[AddictiveCereal]

She's otherwise confident and happy and enjoys nursery. She's imaginative and is smart. Teacher even said cognitively she's doing great.

My son was the same as this in nursery. He was diagnosed with autism at age 5. He is 8 now and doing very well at school because of all the help that having a diagnosis led to. If I'd stuck my head in the sand, he would still have autism but would be struggling badly, alone, in school. He has a very happy life and having autism is a part if who he is.

[nightowl28]

AddictiveCereal that's great to hear. Does he go to a normal school? I don't know why I thought if you are dx with asd you have to go to a special needs school. I've only known 2 people with it and they were severe so had to

[saison4]

most children with ASD go to a mainstream school (not normal school. special school are also normal). it is pretty hard to get into a special school. just have a read on the SN boards. many parents battle for years to get specialised provision.

[saison4]

look, the Senco wants to do an observation. nothing else at this point. you are really getting ahead of yourself. and even if she gets disgnosed, it won't be tattooed in her forehead! Just relax s bit.see what Senco says and take it from there. it seems so far only nursery have picked up on things. Usually it's the parents who notice things sndwhi start battling for support.

[AddictiveCereal]

... Posted too soon!

...initially in school he struggled with his emotions and was crying loudly for a long time at times of transition. The school have adapted things for him and worked on helping him to manage his emotions and his behaviour has improved dramatically.

He gets to spend 45 minutes every day one to one with a teacher working on his motor and social skills and this has been hugely beneficial.

Also, his teachers and us,as parents, are more understanding of his behaviours. Best of all is that he has an understanding of himself - so won't regard himself as 'bad' or 'weird' which maybe some people with autism felt like in the past.

So having a diagnosis has made a significant improvement to his life but I remember being at your stage and feeling so worried about the future. I didn't want the autism diagnosis as when I read about autism on the internet it just seemed so negative and as if my son would have no life. My son was born with autism and will always have autism so getting him diagnosed just meant we found out about it and could help him.

It does bring some extra challenges and life is not quite as straightforward as it might otherwise have been but we all have a very happy life overall.

[nightowl28]

AddictiveCereal that is really comforting to read. Thanks for that.

If you don't mind me asking, does your son feel different compared to his friends? My biggest fear is my dd feeling sad or hurt that she's different to her friends. Do other kids in his class pick up on him? Kids can be horrible at the best of times and I just break into pieces thinking that she might be treated badly by kids.

[nightowl28]

saison4 I think the reason I'm getting so ahead f myself is since the meeting with school I've googled the f out of asd symptoms and can relate a lot to my dd.

[AddictiveCereal]

My son loves being a bit different and is really happy that he has autism! It used to make me sad that he was a bit different as I was worried about him fitting in but as he is so happy in himself there is no point in me worrying.

He is a bit different to other boys his age - a lot of them like football but he hates that and prefers science type things. He also has a lot in common with the other children - he enjoys the same books and movies and toys and days out.

He has not been bullied at all so far. The children can see he is not a 'standard' person but they seem to like him despite that. There is another boy in another class with autism and he seems to be accepted too. As all the teachers know he has autism there is always people keeping an eye out for him - he is on their radar - which should hopefully protect him a bit if anyone was mean to him in future.

The only difficult thing is that my son doesn't easily make close friends as his social skills are a weak - but this doesn't bother him - it bothers me more.

I like this video as it shows that being 'different' is not a bad thing.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ95xlZeHo8

[nightowl28]

She also often looks like she's in her own world (which seems to be a lovely happy and contented place) - but actually she's a sharp little character who might have seemed to be paying no attention whatsoever but has actually taken everything in when you question her about the story or whatever else she's apparently daydreamed her way through!

This is exactly the situation with my DD, even the teacher agreed that while she seems miles away, when you actually ask her a question she answers as if she's been there the whole time.

How old is your DD2?