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Worried about my 4 year old(2 Posts)
I am new here and am looking for some advice.
Some background - I have three children (boy aged 10, girl aged 8 and girl aged 4). My husband is disabled and i work three days a week and run the household (hubby isn't able to help with much). So life is busy.
My son aged 10 has had behaviour problems for years - no diagnosis, just emotional dysregulation, angry outbursts, no respect for authority etc. He didn't cope with mainstream so goes to a PRU which has worked wonders for him. I have done parenting courses, he has done courses around emotions/behaviour etc and he has turned it around. He is not perfect - we still have outbursts but they are not as often and he calms down a lot quicker. So it was more manageable and i felt life was going fairly ok. I was enjoying him again.
However, since end of January, my 4 year old daughter has started having behaviour problems at nursery. Mostly a loving, sweet little girl who i had no problems with (no terrible twos or threes) but now have some occasions where she is quite defiant and has hit out at other children or grown ups (when she can't get her own way but sometimes unprovoked). When they ask her to do something, she will run around the room, thinking its a game. We are now at a point where there are daily occurrences and nursery are reluctant to have her there. They have been incredibly supportive and have tried many tactics (positive praise, sticker charts, ignoring some behaviours, removing her from the room etc) but they have run out of ideas.
I hadn't noticed bad behaviour from her at home but may have missed it as my son was so badly behaved that i may have not noticed her behaviour creeping up on me. I am now more vigilant to her behaviour and will keep a log of it.
I am now so stressed and anxious that she may be going down the same road as my son, which i will not survive again. What i went through with his behaviour has scarred me. It was so bad that we considered residential school away from home. We even visited and put his name down, even though it would have broken my heart. Luckily he started to turn things around and we cancelled his place and i am so glad we did.
She is 4.5 and will start reception in September and i know that a school will not tolerate as much as her nursery have and i am petrified for her future. I am trying to do all the parenting tips that i have learned on the parenting classes but i am now so anxious and stressed that i don't want to spend time with her and it is affecting our relationship (at a time when she needs me to help her most) and can snap at her (which will likely make her behaviour worse)
Her behaviour just seemed to change in January and i have wondered what might have contributed to it. the only major change at that time in our lives, was her new bed was delivered. She was previously in a Cot bed which she didn't like much and was such a struggle to get to sleep that i often drove her around in the car and then put her to bed when she was asleep (mostly 10pm). Since being in her single bed, we have nailed bedtime and she is asleep by 8:30pm most nights. So since having a better, earlier night her behaviour has gotten worse. I have tried putting her to bed later in her bed to test this but her behaviour is still bad.
She can be so loving, kind and is always sorry afterwards but i don't know how to help her manage her emotions or deal with life when she doesn't get her own way.
I really need some help or advice. I am fearful for her future (and mine).
Many thanks for reading my long post.
I forgot to say, she loves her nursery and has a close relationship with her key worker and the manager and a few others. There isn't anyone she dislikes. There are no reports of other children being mean (though quite a few don't want to play with her now). I have explained that if she carries on with this behaviour, she won't be allowed to go and she is sad and says she loves it and wants to go. If she doesn't go, i won't be able to work and this will have financial implications for us
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