Would you tell your child about moving before or after?

[Busymummy50]

We have one child in year 5 a d one in year 1. Both show anxiety (biting fingers). Eldest has slight social issues, has friends but can be a bit awkward or moody sometimes when he's not happy) Eldest also showing signs of unhappiness and not think much of himself.

Schools near us aren't great and we are not thinking of moving.

Would you tell your child while looking for a house so they can help and have longer for it to sink in and get used to the idea or tell them once a house has been bought?

Which would cause less anxiety?

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

You say that you are thinking of moving. How definite are you? If there's a chance you won't then don't but if you are going to move unless something extreme happens then I'd say something before the For Sale sign goes up. Will the kids be with you when you look at houses? Do you have a specific area in mind so you can show them the local sights at the new place?

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

My kids saw several schools before we moved house as we felt that this was a natural thing to do.

[Bekabeech]

I would tell them from pretty early on and listen to their views - and actually did this with my children when we moved.

[Busymummy50]

We are viewing houses now
Son would need to apply for secondary school this October so must happen quick! If the right house doesn't come along then we will stay. So cant say definite but really trying to move.

What if I asked what my kids think and they said no they want to stay? Schools here are not that great and the closest one is getting better and also sixth forms are rubbish around here too.

[Busymummy50]

I guess I'm worried about asking their opinion and then have to try and persuade them if they said no, I don't want to do that but also what if we went ahead with a house and told them after and they don't like it!!!

[Busymummy50]

We don't have enough time to see several schools

[Busymummy50]

What I meant was, open evenings and days are finished so not able to see the schools. We did go to a day tour of one of them but it was during the week when kids was at school

[TwigTheWonderKid]

Tell them you are moving, don't ask them, but then involve them in looking at houses and possible schools.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

You say "We are going to move to X" and ask their opinions on stuff like do they want to donate their outgrown books to school or the charity shop. Are people viewing your house? They would probably be interested to see the Internet listing for your current house.

[Busymummy50]

We will let out our current house.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

Will they see people viewing the house? We went out when viewings happened and the kids enjoyed speculating whether the current people would buy our house.

[coolwalking]

Please tell them - I was told one day when I was 6 I was moving 100 miles away that afternoon.

[Busymummy50]

Coolwalking, I wouldn't tell them so near to moving. I meant find a house and when the paper work is going through, to let them know. It could take months until the actual move

[Bekabeech]

I told my children and took them to view houses, and listened to their input. They spotted things we didn't and got excited, especially when we discussed their room etc. And last time we actually moved they were much younger than yours.
If your children are anxious then I would be even less inclined to "spring it" on them but give them lots of time to adapt to the idea and have you allay their fears. For example discuss ways they can keep in touch with friends.

But how far are you moving? Is there any chance that your move could be seen as one just to get a school place? Because you are not planning to sell your existing place could lead to charges of fraud.

[Busymummy50]

We are going to let out our house and buy another house. It's not just for a school place, we want somewhere with a good school and a safer area than where we currently are for the kids. If we don't find a place in the next month or 2 then the likelihood of moving is very little as by October we need to apply for a secondary place for our eldest. So for this reason I thought maybe tell them once we have found the house we like be side if we don't end up moving then the whole anxiety and worry we could have caused is uneccessary?

[Bekabeech]

You still need to be cautious about how far you are planning to move.

There are lots of people in the past who have moved a couple of miles into a rented house that is much closer to a desirable school, then a while after their child has got into the new school have moved back. LAs are very aware of this, and most rentals are 6 month short holds (with rolling contracts).
Now if the new house is bigger or maybe you old house is let on a longer term basis it may be less likely to cause concerns.

With your DC why not talk to them in general terms about moving. If someone you know is moving then talk about them and how would your DC feel if they were moving. What would they like in theri dream house? etc. To just test the waters.
But I do think you need to prepare them.

[Busymummy50]

If we move it will be at least 50 minutes drive from where we currently live so it is not doable to move back to our old address and travel that distance each morning to school!

[Bekabeech]

That's good!
I'd probably also "visit" the new area and have some fun. So when you do tell them you can say things like "you remember that park with the whirly slide" or "where you had the chocolate ice cream with sprinkles".

[Busymummy50]

That would be difficult because the new area has nothing! There is a tiny park and some shops. Whereas our local area is busy? Forest nearby, Ice skating, just lots of things!