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Low Self Esteem in 7 yr old DD

(3 Posts)
chadlingtonchadders Sun 11-Feb-18 15:27:04

I have a 7 year old DD and an older DS.
DS- academically very bright, but also charismatic, people generally really like him and warm to him. He always seems to land on his feet.
DD I would say is just as smart but can be prickly, doesn't necessarily make friends that easily and is susceptible to low self esteem and doesn't have a positive attitude.
DS goes to a private school.
DD wasn't accepted to that school despite really wanting to go- she needed a bursary but wasn't offered a place.
We haven't told her as she would be heartbroken and I don't want to make her think that she is 'not as good' as her brother.
Instead we are big-upping her current school and trying to persuade her that she didn't really want to go there anyway.
She is great fun, sparky and bright and I just don't know why others don't see this. She told me last week that she is spending break times in the cloakroom by herself colouring because 'the others don't like my personality Mummy'. It is breaking my heart to hear stuff like this and I don't understand why this is happening. I fear that she will be like me and suffer depression and be susceptible to going off the rails in her teenage years/early twenties which is what I did. I see so much of myself in her. Any ideas for boosting her self esteem gratefully received.

LadyRenoir Sun 11-Feb-18 18:12:00

Have you talked to the school to see how she behaves, or ask if they can set her up with a buddy or something.
I am a teacher (albeit secondary) and know a bit behind the scenes, and we do occasionally get asked to monitor such and such and see how they interact with others, and sit them next to a supportive peer, give extra praise in a non-obvious way.
I think maybe subconsciously she is comparing herself to her brother. Thing like this will happen naturally, especially if she aspired to do something he did (the school) and that did not work. I noticed it with one of my students who wanted to do triple science like her older brother, and did not get in the top set, and actually burst in tears when she found out and it affected her for a while.
But again there may be something else that you don't see but may manifest itself in school, and maybe the school can do something about it to help out.

sirfredfredgeorge Sun 11-Feb-18 19:13:38

Unless she's not very bright, then having sat a selective test for DS's private school, and not got in - as evidenced by the fact you're big upping the current - even if you've not yet specifically told her. Then it's not surprising her self esteem has taken a hit - especially when it's something that you as a family obviously value.

I think you need to look very hard at the messages you send out about what you as a family value, and start making sure some of her achievements are valued by the family. You at least wrote "She is great fun, sparky and bright", but does she actually know you think that, and does your family actually value those things?

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