My son won't behave at school! (age 4) but is good at home help!

[Cheryl3318]

I'm new to join mums net but offen read through the site but decided to post to see if anyone can help.
My son is in reception (age 4) and nothing I do is making him behave at school.
He is starting to get the reputation of been the naughty kid already but he's only naughty at school.
At home I have two well behaved kids (I have a 5 year old girl and she's never naughty at home or school). But at school he's the opposite. He dosnt listen, hits other kids, won't sit still and is constantly been silly.
School have a behaviour chart that at the moment is a volcano (there learning about dinosaurs) on the wall with all the kids photos on and my child is always on the dam volcano. I also get the teachers telling me that he's had another bad day and didn't listen nearly every day. I now withhold the after school treat if he's on the volcano at all and if he's at the top then he gets his ipad taken away for that day but he dosnt care. Iv started taking other toys away till he has a good day at school and said he can have a friend over for tea if he can be good but this hasn't helped either.
He's a very clever little boy so it's making me so sad that he's not showing school what I see at home. I don't know what else to do with him. Any help or advice would be very grateful I feel like I'm going insane. I hate been the mean mam all the time.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

I'd stop penalising him at home for things which he's doing at school, it's too remote.

He doesn't respond to the volcano - it's not an effective behavioural strategy for him, his teacher needs a different one, not just more ratcheting up of punishment remote from the time the offence happens.

"hitting kids" and "being silly" are quite differnet extremes of behaviour, does the school really have the same sanction for both?

[Cheryl3318]

I have made an appointment with his teacher for Monday morning because I think it isn't working and they haven't tried to do anything else. iv tried just praising the good behaviour and that dosnt work. I try to still concentrate on the positive behaviour and set goals and treats for been good more than the taking things away or withold treats/ipad and toys and he knows that these things will happen if he's not good at school and he knows that he will get treats and friends over and days out when he is good. The school do just put them in the same category really if he hits someone it's staight to the top but been silly and disrupting work time more than once will still put him there. I'm going to suggest a book to have for school and at home so we can all see the good and bad behaviour not just me been told about the bad and only finding out later about the good.

[eightoutoftencats]

Have you ever considered having a sensory profile done for him? When a child is able to behave at home but not at school, that shouts sensory issues and feeling overwhelmed to me.

[Cheryl3318]

It was a thought I had as he says that the kids are all to noisy and that's why he dosnt like it even tho he is the loudest of them all haha. He also is very collective in things he learns such as his obsession over dinosaurs needed to know everything to the point he can tell you a whole books worth of information on them. He's now gone on to sea creatures and is very much the same. I wouldn't really know were to start as our doctors arnt great.

[eightoutoftencats]

I think you go to your school or Gp and ask to be referred to an OT in the first instance. Or if you can afford it you can get a private assessment. We got trained through Shine therapies who operate in North west England but there are different organisations supporting different areas.

[Witchend]

Have you had his ears tested?
Ds was very similar in reception, and he has bad glue ear.

He's now in year 6 and reacts with shocked pride if I ever ask if he's been moved down the ladder.

[Mosaic123]

Or I was thinking dyslexia? He might be creating a diversion to avoid doing things he doesn't want to do at school? Is he struggling with literacy in spite of being bright?

[Cheryl3318]

I dint think it's dyslexia as he is excellent at phonics I'm going to get his ears tested as he's also very clumsy lol