11 year old - how free should they be?

[seeker]

This will be long, sorry. I let my children have more freedom than many do, and we live in a rural-ish, pretty safe area. This morning, dd's friend rang asking her to go to the beach. I drove her to the station for 11.00. Friends were waiting. Friend said her dad would be along in a minute - I said that I didn't have his mobile number. Friend said that dad had said they didn't know when they were getting back but they would ring me when dd needed picking up. I said OK and left. No phone call by 6.00. I rang round, got the friend's dad's mobile. DD comes to phone and says they hadn't been to the beach after all, but they'd spent the day on the Rec. No grown ups there at all. I would probably have let her go to the Rec, but she hasn't done it before and I really think friend's dad should have told me the plan had changed. So should dd, and I left her in no doubt that if something like this happens again she rings me at once. But should the dad have rung me? Or am I being too precious?

[swedishmum]

I think at 11 I'd have spoken to an adult My dd2 is 11 now and I certainly wouldn't leave her without checking who was responsible. Would also expect her to phone me if plans change so i know where to meet her etc. We live in a very rural area. Dd1 has learned this - she lets me know straight away if plans change. It works.

[saadia]

I think you should have been told of the change of plan - at 11 I think you do need to know where they are.

[emsiewill]

I never assume that dd1s friends are allowed as much freedom as she is (she is 10 & I let her go to the local park without me).

If she has friends coming & they want to go to the park, I ask the parent first to make sure it is OK with them.

Not sure what dd would do in that situation though, but yes, I think you should have been notified of the change of plan.

[seeker]

The main reason for this discussion is that I know I was too casual about the arrangement - and I feel guilty about it. I think I worry so much about being over protective that I err too far on the other side!

[mumeeee]

The Dad should have rung you and told you of the change of plan. I would have not left an 11 year old until I seen and spoken to the Dad. But I am a bit of a worrier and stil insist that I have spoken to a parent of my 15 year olds friends before she goes anywhere for the first time.

[FiveFingeredFiend]

Well i think ot depends on the dd. Howeer the distance may vaay. the knowing where they are doesn't/


in that regard i think you should make sure your dd is sure.

[juuule]

In that situation I would have stayed until friends dad turned up. At the very least I would have needed to have a contact phone number before I left. I would also have rung dd about an hour later to find out how things were going and what was happening.