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Four year old - Stealing and Lieing(1 Post)
I am distraught and feel like i am a terrible parent. My little one is four and he has begun to steal and lie but recently it has been quite calculated and pre-meditated. Apologies this a little long but it's give you a very very very brief background on this....
It began around Halloween time, when he began taking sweets without asking. I explained to him that he wasn't to do this as if he ate too many then he will have a bad tummy and they would make him feel ill. He understood to the point he even announced it in the middle of boots that we mustn't steal sweets as it's a good thing to do.
However he continued to do it. Again i explained in a different way, that if he stole how would it make him feel and he replied it would make him sad and worried as he wouldn't know where the item was and that it would make me sad as i would be cross that he may have lost it as he wasn't being careful (bless!)
Anyway this ceased. But Christmas time came around and he was talking about the cardboard stars on the tree, he knew they had chocolate in them as he had seem in hotel chocolate - i explained that they were for decoration and not for eating. Christmas eve he was playing with his granny and grandad (my parents) and my mother said to him what do you have in your bag? my son replied i can't tell you it's a secret. I over heard this and asked my son to give me the bag as i had a feeling i knew there was something in there that shouldn't be as he never does that as he is always eager to please and show off his things to others. Low and behold a bloody star in there, and where he had tried to get into the packaging. Again we had a talk (there is no point in shouting and screaming) but i made it acutely clear that i was not happy, disappointed in his actions. my little one apologised and said he new it was wrong and the reason he took it was that he wanted it.
Various other incidents have happened and again his reasoning was that he wanted it.
Yesterday, we were driving home from nursery and had been to the post office, so we were a little later than usual getting home.my little one asked for a kinder egg when he got in. I explained to him that it is too late to have chocolate and that he could have it tomorrow. I always carry through with what i say whether this be a sanction or a promise. He seem to accept this but went very quiet, not unusual at all for a four year to pout at being denied chocolate! we got home, began our usual routine of taking out coats and shoes off hanging them up, selecting what toys we would like to play with while i prepare the tea. suddenly i remembered that i needed to make a call and did so. Whilst dialling the number i couldn't see my son anywhere, panicking i shouted him but heard footsteps upstairs, and shouted for him to come down. (he knows he is not allowed up stairs on his own) normally he comes immediately when i call him, but he took ages. eventually he came downstairs, and i asked him why he was upstairs, his reply was 'i went to get a toy' seeing he had absolutely nothing in his hands, i asked him where was the toy? he put his head down and then i saw him chewing. I asked him what he had in his mouth, he replied chocolate. i said to him where did you get it from and why did you take it when i said you couldn't have it? his reply was ' i waited till you were on the phone mummy and i took it and went upstairs to eat it because i wanted it.' he never apologised though that he had done this which he normally does. YET AGAIN i explained, talked why this was not good etc... and to be honest with you i did raise my voice, which took my little one by surprise as i have never ever done that, but i though this is one way of letting him know im serious & disappointed!!!!
my little one has been absolutely no trouble at all, he has always been excellent, he has never thrown temper tantrums, of course he has been sat out etc... but i like to think that i am being a good mother by sitting and explaining, talking things through with my little one especially helping understand how an action would make another feel whether this be good or bad and in turn making sure he also understands.
I'm so worried about this lying and stealing. He has done it at nursery to which i have pulled in about it. he has lied to my face about his behaviour at nursery and when quizzed about why he has done he said he did it because he didn't want to get in trouble.
has anyone experience this? can you offer any advice please? please don't think i'm a bad mother as i don't believe i am. I am always firm but fair.