Feeling desperate

[meplusthreex]

I'm feeling really desperate right now. I have a 4 year old who is 5 this year. She is so unbelievably badly behaved 90% of the time. Her manners are awful (I've tried my best to influence her in all the best ways), she jumps on strangers in the street or pulls them or hits them when they stop to say something or someone says hello, she's also rude to them, she makes rude remarks, she hits her sister, she poos and wees in random spots in the house and doesn't tell anyone, she tells me what to do, she takes my phone from me and hides it and tells me I can't have it, she purposely breaks her toys, the list goes on and earlier today (totally disgusting) she bit her dad in the crotch area because he wanted a cuddle from her and she didn't want one from him. I have tried to discipline her in all the best ways I can and nothing is working and she laughs in my face and does the same naughty things again and again. Can anyone please suggest a method of discipline that will work? She is very much stimulated and we treat her when she is good, but the issue is getting worse. Any help will be gratefully received. Please no bashing

[frasier]

Is she the same at school or just at home?

Is there anywhere where she is consistently better behaved?

[Froggyonaplate]

No suggestions, just questions:
As pp said, how is she at school/nursery? Have they suggested an assessment.
How is she cognitively? Does she understand that the behaviour is wrong or is just very unaware?
What is her speech like? And hearing? Any delays that could be frustrating her.
How's her relationship with her dad?
Are there any scenarios where she's better/worse eg is she settled and happy when home alone with you getting 1 to 1attention?
Has she always been a handful or has her behaviour got worse recently?
Her behaviour does sound quite extreme and I'd honestly suggest getting together with her school and seeing if you can get her assessed by a paediatrician or educational psychologist to check if there are any underlying reasons for it.

[Hohofortherobbers]

Does she have siblings? If so what age and what's their behaviour?

[Vibe2018]

Her behaviour does sound unusual - I would talk to a GP.

I have a DS who is 6 and can be very difficult to manage but nothing on the scale of what you describe with your daughter.

Is there any chance there is something else going on like autism? My 8 year old son had autism and some of his behaviour can look like bad behaviour - but his behaviour is much more managable than what you describe for your daughter.

How is she is nursery or school?

[meplusthreex]

In reply to all the questions, she stopped attending nursery in December as we are moving and haven't yet started her at a new one. She's very unaware that her behaviour is unacceptable and even once she has been told off she often does the same thing again and again if not worse. Her speech and hearing are all on track if not advanced, she has always been a good speaker. Relationship with dad is also good so no issues there. If it's just me and her she CAN be better in herself but other times she is just the same, she has 2 younger siblings aged 1 and 3 months but I don't believe it's an attention issue because she's been this way from the age of 2 before the babies arrived. She's always been a handful bless her but recently her behaviour has become literally gross, like the pooing and weeing and biting. As she doesn't yet attend another pre-school setting, could I visit the doctor maybe? I really don't want her to be this way when she starts school. She is also quite nasty to other children which I feel could land her in big trouble in proper school. Thank you for all the responses

[Froggyonaplate]

Yes, go to the GP armed with a list of her unusual behaviours so you don't get fobbed off. I'd also try to get her into a preschool ASAP, a change of scene and a strict routine may help her to settle, but if not you need to start working out what's causing the behaviour and how best to support her in the future. Good luck!