This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
6yr old no friends(9 Posts)
Excuse the title it’s not strictly true but I’m concerned about 6yr old DD and wanting some advice.
Her class of 30 seems to have one big ‘girl gang’ which she is most definitely not in. For a time (in pre school and reception) she seemed popular with girls and boys but now this is not the case. She has a couple of girl friends who ask / come for play dates who are the DDs of my friends (but also in her class) but they rarely even ask her over.
She says she’s got lots of ‘boyfriends’ when I ask her she says they are boys who have ‘asked’ to be her her boyfriend. It doesn’t seem more than this and I’ve explained that we don’t really have boyfriends until we are teenagers / older. Still she chats a lot about them!
She is not a ‘girly girl’ whatever that means, not bothered about a lot of typically girly things and very into Lego, her bike, football but does love dressing up (fancy dress) and dancing (what she does when any girls come over!) and drama / singing.
Am I worrying too much? I’m concerned that she’s left out of the gang, she doesn’t seem worried really but when I ask is very defensive about it all. She does play with a few older girls at her drama group and after school club but these are a few years older and so I wouldn’t think of inviting over to play.
She no longer receives many party invites (boys tend to just invite the boys and girls are having small groups which she’s not included in) She’s not bothered but I am worried she’s being left out.
Anyone else have something similar going on?
Have you spoken to her Teacher? It might be worth seeing if they have any concerns about the social side of school.
Thanks, I did ask him at parents evening and he said she is a popular girl who stays out of the ‘girl gang politics’ at that time he said she was in a nice group with a couple of boys and girls in it but this is not the message I get from her or any other parents. I think when working she’s in a little group but at play time she’s on her own or with her many boyfriends! I will try and speak to the teacher again though as it might be worth checking.
I should add she is quite bright and quite ‘intense’ at times. When I’ve seen her playing with girls (and boys!) her age she seems quite bossy and I’ve told her people don’t like this but I’m wondering if that’s why she’s left out, the girls maybe find her annoying. Hard to know what to do.
What’s your gut feeling on this window? Do you think it’s just classroom politics or do you feel there may be something else?
Don't ask her too much OP....I know it's hard not to quiz them but it's important you leave her to tell you if she's unhappy or you run the risk of making her feel inadequate.
She's young yet...I remember a little girl in DD1s class who was like your DD sounds, bright, intense and a bit bossy.
She did seem to learn more social skills as they hit 10-11.
To help her, without squashing her natural confidence, talk to her about listening to others.
Make sure she's not allowed to interrupt conversations at home at all...and help her to learn the "rules" of social play.
Thank you cheap those are some good tips. Spoke to DH about it today, he took her to a party yesterday (whole class) and said she was fine, she seems liked by most just not in a gang / group so that’s made me feel happier. I think perhaps In a group situation she doesn’t do so well as is bossy and opinionated! She also doesn’t have an ‘off’ button. She’s been to play at my friend’s house (who has a DD same age) and my friend said she was taken aback by how much energy she has and that she’s constantly ‘on to the next challenge’ so to speak. I wonder if she exhausts other children a bit (she does us). I will definitely work on the social things though because I do think that’s probably part of the issue (interrupting etc).
Also, remember...if she were a boy, people wouldn't be so shocked at her being full of energy and go.
There's a lot of rubbish still going on in society where people expect girls to be quiet and clean and never rambunctious.
As long as she's happy and is socialising with people then leave her be. She sounds smart not wasting time with girl group politics and gossip. The bossy opinionated personality will likely mean she will be a high flyer as an adult!