3 year old talks about another Mummy

[FruHagen]

Wondering if anyone has experience of this and if it can be explained in terms of child cognitive development (I hope so).

My 3 year old talks about her other Mummy who is dead, says she misses her and will I drive her to see her.

She doesn't remember her name and this upsets her but it's something like Zalandra.

My other child who is a little older never did this at the same age.

Anyone have similar experiences and what happened?

It actually quite upsets me

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

I actually remember this myself. I used to speak of "the other house and the other garden" which I clearly remembered and still can envision but my Mother had no idea what I was talking about.

She'd ask me if I meant Nanny's or Aunties but no...I'd not been to many other houses and certainly none like the one I remembered.

It was very big and rundown with a wildly overgrown garden. I can still see clear details such as glass jars in the window sill and the pattern on the tiles of the hearth.

[niceupthedance]

DS at 2.4 said he used to look after me when I was old and drive an olden days car.

He said quite a few freaky things, I didn’t find an explanation, it’s either a good imagination or he’s been here before.

When I was three my mum took me to visit a war ship and I said i didn’t like it as it was like the boat I was on before that went into ice and sank

[corythatwas]

Normal 3yo imagination.

My niece on a walk with her grandma pointed out a house they walked past and said: "that's where my cousins used to live. But then the LIONS came..."

Dn only had one set of cousins, they had never lived in the same city as her and had certainly not been eaten by lions.

Her db had an imaginary friend and once burst into tears when a man took the seat next to him on the bus "he's squaaashing Luluuuu^.

Both my dc had imaginary countries, ds even had an imaginary language.

My db also talked about his first mum, but clearly not a memory as he was handed in at a police station as a newborn...

[Gordonbennit]

My 3yr old talks of his other family where he has another mummy, daddy baby sister etc.

It started when we watched a cartoon film in which a child ended up with a dino mummy.

Neither of my older 2 did this - personally I think it's quite funny - but can see why some people think it's a bit freaky

I'd say def nothing to worry about though

[laura6032]

My ds 4, talks about remembering his grandfather - hes met neither, dh's passed away, mine a dick - has done for months, about how he visited, stood beside him when he was a baby, etc, I think they pick things up from TV and add their own spin, or his grandpa is visiting from beyond the grave! 😱

[FruHagen]

Thanks for your replies I got a bit upset when my 3 year old was saying that her other Mummy was better than me and she missed her.

She says her other Mummy lived until she was old and my 3 year old was with her and looked after her when she was old. So even though I'm the second best Mummy at least I have the kind of daughter who will look after me in my dotage.

[corythatwas]

Sounds like a good deal.

And I would absolutely not let myself get upset by anything said by a 3yo: imagining different scenarios is part of their learning to find their place in the world. Sometimes they come up with things that sound utterly hard-hearted, but that's because they would be hard-hearted if they were a few years older. But as it is, they're often quite amusing.

When my dd was a little bit younger than this I incurred her displeasure to the point where she informed me she no longer loved me or wanted me for her mummy.

-Well, that doesn't really matter (said I), because I am still your mummy and I will always love you.
-Not when I'm grown up!
-Oh yes, even when you're grown up. You may move away and live in a house of your own, but I will still be your mummy and I will still love you.
-No, you won't! You'll be dead then!

Dd is now an adult living in a place of her own, but I'm nowhere near dead, and she seems quite happy to accept that I am still her mummy and I do still love her.