Nursery says 3 year can be more confident..how can I help her?

[Sofshiz]

Hi

My DD's nursery teacher mentioned in conversation today that she would like to see her more confident. She said DD isn't always keen to get involved in activities as she can be shy or weary.

What can I do to help her be more confident? Should she be going to classes? She's just started full time nursery Mon-Fri 8-3 and most classes I'm looking at are during school times.

We take her Ballet on saturday morning and we go swimming as a family every Sunday. from the age of 2-3years (when I was at home for maternity with DD2) we went to dancing/music classes and a local playgroup every week. In addition to visiting family, playdates (occasional, not many as we don't have many friends with kids) and going to the parks, I felt I had exposed her to many different activities.

I know she's only 3 (3 year 4 months) and she has plenty of time to grow etc but i just got quite upset that i may not have done enough.

What else do you suggest? She loves football and weve been on a waiting list for a local LittleKickers for ages now but still full up.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

I think that some kids are just more wary than others. Unless it's so serious that she wouldn't tell a teacher at nursery that she was hurt or needed help, I would put it down to personality. I'm assuming that she joins in once she relaxes?

My dd was the opposite at her age and has the scars and A&E visits to back it up. I'm a cautious adult so it was a shock to say the least. Careful and quiet children have their strengths. Not everyone can be outgoing and it may be a skill that improves as she grows up. When my ds1 started school he wouldn't even speak to the teacher but quickly became a chatterbox.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

Rather than classes, could you set her up with some "grownup" tasks for confidence? It obviously depends on what she does now but many 3 year olds enjoy sorting socks, doing the dishwasher, chopping veg for dinner...

[Vibe2018]

I think if she's just a bit quiet the best thing you can do is accept her the way she is while trying to make sure she has good self esteem. Not every child is very confident but they can still have happy, successful lives.

[Sofshiz]

Thank you for your comments.

She is generally very confident and happy at home. And she isn't shy in playgrounds and playgroups so I was just a bit surprised at the teacher said.

I will take on the suggestions of more tasks and jobs around the house to build confidence.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

Teachers like confident kids as it's easier to assess them. It personally annoys me that they see being quiet as a negative. I remember the most confident people at school monopolising adult attention, dominating group tasks and ruining the learning experience for quieter people like me.

Your dd sounds fab. She's only 3 so things aren't set in stone.

[BigBaboonBum]

My mum always wanted me to be more confident, as did teachers and everybody else. It just made me less confident.
I don’t even think it was a confidence issue as such, more that I’ve always been extremely introvert and certain things make me uncomfortable. I’ve done well for myself though... I really wouldn’t worry. Let her be who she is instead of trying to manage her behaviour. If it isn’t broken then...

[crazymumofthree]

How long has she been at the nursery? Obviously all children react differently to a nursery setting, some otherwise confident children can find it quite overwhelming to start with, a new routine, being away from Mum and lots of new people, it's a big change!

My boys were both fine, ran in without a goodbye however my daughter is really shy (although is the confident bossy one at home!) and it took her a good 3 months to properly settle in and be confident enough to speak up. I think this year she has really come out of herself, as she is one of the older ones and she has made a really good group of friends she's become a lot more sure of herself!

Have the nursery stated how they will also be helping her too? Has she formed friendships okay?

I don't think they will see it as an inconvenience, if anything we spend more time with these children to help them along and build their confidence and it's amazing to see how far they come from starting to a few months in!

[Sofshiz]

crazymumofthree - she just started in November part time and went full time 2 weeks ago. She settled in beautifully and nursery teachers were amazed at how she went in without a fuss and enjoyed her surroundings. It's just now that they mentioned that they'd like to "see her try things more" i.e. she isn't confident to do something she hasn't tried before.

Like your DD, she is a bossy boots at home, no issues with shyness, it's just when we are in a new place, or have people around/we go to someone's house she can seem rude/distance because she becomes slightly quite.

She has made friends with a few kids there and talks about them at home, and tells me about all the things they do together, e.g. playing pretend fire men and women or playing in the home corner.

I guess she is how she is and I'm just worried about pushing her to be something she's not ready to be, i.e. this super confident little girl.

[crazymumofthree]

Aww it is still early days really then! She sounds so much like my daughter! My daughter also shys away from - for example school mums on the school run and the office ladies that say hello she just goes quite and it does come across rude sometimes but I just explain! Like you said if they are not sure forcing them will only make it worse. At our preschool we do lots of individual one on one activities with the children and learning games in small groups so maybe this is the kind of thing she's not sure on. Have they said specifically what or what situation it's in? She sounds really well rounded and like she does lots of fun things with you maybe perhaps she just doesn't fancy doing the activity? I am sure she will become more confident, especially in the spring/summer term the children in the nursery seems to grow up such a lot in those last few weeks and you could have been worrying about them and then suddenly they exceed your expectations!