This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Please help with my Son - breaking point(8 Posts)
DS is 6 years old. I and the school are experiencing lots of very aggressive, non-compliant behaviour. This has been coming and going in phases over the last two years. Yesterday it got to the point where he has now been removed from his usual classroom to keep other children safe. Lunchtimes he will hit children with sticks, and refuses to come back in to the classroom after (he tells me this is because he hates sitting down and learning and play time isn't long enough). Yesterday he was refusing to come in when his support worker approached him. He told her there was a frog and when she bent down to look he kicked her in the mouth When he was asked why he did this his reply was "because I like hurting people".
I am distraught. The background is that my husband killed himself two years ago. I admit I was a mess for a good year after and did not parent to the best of my ability. YouTube and the Pcs were default parenting for my two children (I also have a DD aged 4 now). After a year struggling on my own I sold my home and have moved to be near family, have cut down my hours at work, have started a parenting course etc. I'm really trying to pull everything back together but I'm terrified the damage has already been done.
The school are employing more specialist support workers. They have also asked I look into whatever extra support there is out there. Please do any mumsnetters know of anything?! We did have a brief stint of support from a local bereavement charity called Mosaic while we lived in Dorset but we are in Yorkshire now and I don't know if there is an equivalent? Cruse apparently were rude to the school and no help at all. I am seeing my GP next week to ask them too.
I'm at a loss and don't know what to do anymore. At home he can be troublesome but none of the violent raging behaviour he exhibits at school. He is very loving and cuddly and sensitive with me. Loves having one on one attention. I've cut out games and severely limited YouTube now as I'm concerned this has had an affect on him.
It's his anger and rage which is the main concern, it becomes unmanageable for him. This was similar to what his father suffered before he killed himself and I am terrified my son will one day do the same - I know it's extreme, but my husband's mother also killed herself so that's two generations above them.
Please please if anyone knows of any extra help please let me know
Angel you sound like a very brave and honest person. I don't know what more you can do it sounds like you're doing all the right things but I hope the GP has some useful advice. He's very lucky to have you in his corner.
Gosh now hear for you. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband and I applaud you for all you are doing now for your children.
I'd try reaching out to Cruse again yourself. There are also charities for bereaved children which I'm sure could offer you some support. Winston's Wish is the one I know about but it might be worth a google. Give them a call, I'm sure they can help you.
It must be so hard for you all . Hopefully the GP will be able to refer on to some local help.
I've no personal experience, but I've heard good things about Winston's Wish www.winstonswish.org/
Contact Winston’s wish, they have a helpline. They are based in Cheltenham , the north west and West Sussex. However I think they have specialist therapeutic support nationwide for children bereaved through suicide. There are also residentials focusing on bereavement through suicide
He is a lucky boy that his mummy care so much for him and will do anything ad everything she can to help him.
There is an organisation called Hand in Hand Parenting which works with parents’ and children’s emotions. It has lots of online resources and there are online classes and some UK instructors too.
There is an article here about violent behaviour at school which might give you some ideas:
You are good, your son is good. You can find help and find a way through this.
I honour you.
You are doing an awesome job.
And reaching out when you need help is great parenting in my view. Your awareness of what it affecting your kids & moving for family, I believe you are half way there.
Is your son aware of what happened with your husband?
Obviously he is working through the pain in his own way, albeit destructive, he is gaining the attention that he needs.
What have you said to him about his behaviour?
His world is very confused right now, as the internet would have put a virtual plaster on his pain, now he is off it.
The growth will begin. He is looking and getting certainty (a basic human need) for his behaviour, he is certain that he will get his as said before his attention fix.
Maybe when your having cuddles you could mention it, do you do your punching and stuff because you know the reaction and like the reaction your going to get?
Why do you like hurting people?
Ask him how can we fix this?
How can you get what you want in a way that is positive?
And remember that you are enough, you don’t have to do anything, say anything because you as you are just for being are enough.
You my friend are amazing & he is a lucky little dude to have such a tuned in aware mummy.
Again I honour you 🌹
Please login first.