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8yr old won’t come out of bedroom(3 Posts)
My daughter is 8 and has an iPod touch, and a kindle fire. We made that decision a year or two back and rightly or wrongly that is how it is.
Back in September she made a friend at school and they quickly became inseparable. Calling each other on FaceTime, outside school and my daughter was keen to get to school to see her. I was pleased as friendships have been difficult at times for her and she seemed a bit alone.
That friend then moved in early December miles away. They have kept in touch on FaceTime, but we have reached the stage that every moment of my daughters time is spent on FaceTime to this friend. She won’t come out of her room at weekends or after school. If I manage to drag her out (literally), she is just foul and spends the entire time away from her room saying how much longer. She is so rude and bad tempered. If I go into her room she shouts immediately at me to get out. She won’t come down for meals and won’t get dressed. It’s now 2.30 in the afternoon and she’s been on FaceTime since 8am and has just screamed blue murder as I’ve said we’re going out this afternoon. It’s now 2.30pm and she won’t get dressed.
When we suggest a limit on screen time she feels it is a punishment and say we will leave her with no friends. I looked at the few sms messages between the girls and although most between them is on FaceTime, the messages are largely my daughter begging her friend to talk to her and saying she doesn’t have any other friends. There a a fair bit of name calling,
I don’t want to overreact. 8 year olds do argue and say unkind things. But I also want my daughter back!
What makes it trickier although it shouldn’t is my daughter is being tested for adhd and has a violent temper. She will not hand over her screens willingly and last weekend when I made her put them away for half an hour she threw things at me, and screamed she wanted to die and went for the knife draw although I think that was more for effect. The docs etc are aware we have this from her.
How should we approach this? We want set guidelines that she knows are the absolute rules and no swaying. Even screen time, but no FaceTime? Any apps that will help us limit usage? If we take them away, she literally ransacks the place, emptying cupboards, breaking things etc
Oh OP....this has gone way too far. 8 is extremely young to be given free reign with technology and this is very damaging for your DD.
Not just the sheer hours on her device but the being alone in a bedroom at an age when she should be running around and playing.
You will need to completely remove it..no gentle approach as the way she is, is going to be impossible to reduce time sensibly.
She's addicted to it.
Take the devices away....hide them well or, get them to someone else's house so you're not tempted to give in.
Yes, she'll scream and all that but you'll just have to put up with it.
It might last a day...might last a week...but you owe it to her to parent her now.
You need support from CAHMS...have you had any re the ADHD or other behaviour?
You’re right. I know you’re right. I don’t know how it got this far. I was so pleased she’d made a close friend, I didn’t want to stop them chatting. She was so happy when her friend was living here, but now, it’s like a virtual friend.
She has been through Pcamhs and has just been referred to Camhs. She’s been seeing someone privately who said she had ADHD but Pcamhs feel there is not enough evidence of this and Camhs will be investigate attention deficit alone. But at least we’re getting referred.