My sons development my fault

(3 Posts)
Subshopgirl Sun 07-Jan-18 18:44:50

I have a boy who is 23 months old and I think I’ve ruined him, when he was born I struggled to bond with him and had problems until about 8 months of age he would scream hours on end he has never slept through the night even now he wakes every night and plays for hours on end ( last night was 11pm -2pm.) he cries and as a meltdown if we leave the house he just wants to watch tv all day and that’s my fault as I found in the beginning I could get things done if he watched the tv as I have a 4 year old also, so would put the tv on whilst I cleaned got them ready etc my daughter is so advanced for her age it’s unbelievable but I feel I’ve failed my son, he doesn’t talk but knows what he wants. He won’t try to climb the stairs just cries if I stand him at the bottom, cries if I sit him on a little chair but will sit on a bean bag I don’t know what to do and I know deep down my husband blames me but doesn’t say it aloud. Now he’s dreading our upcoming family holiday as he feels he will do nothing but cry as he’s not at home and it’s my fault because I never really took or take him out I just feel drained and lack any motivation to do it.

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Kleinzeit Sun 07-Jan-18 20:27:43

Oh dear, it sounds as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders! I can't tell if your DS has a developmental delay or not, but if he does then it's not your fault. Some babies with natural developmental delays do have screaming problems and sleep issues from a very young age, and they can have bonding issues too. And when they get a little older they can be very unhappy when taken out of their familiar environment.

Did you have depression after your boy was born? The thing is, parking him in front of the telly while you got stuff stuff done wont have caused this. You'd have had to do nothing but stick him in front of the telly all day every day to cause a real delay.

What I'd suggest doing, is taking him along to the health visitor, explain how he is and ask her to do a developmental check on him. Then you'll know if he really does have a delay or not. If he does, you can get the reason diagnosed, and he can get some therapy and help to bring him along. Or it may be that he doesn't have a developmental problem, he's just less advanced than your DD was at his age.

It also sounds as if you are feeling drained and miserable and you could do with some support yourself, not just being blamed for everything. If you tell the health visitor she may be able to support you. And do remember to look after yourself too flowers

Subshopgirl Mon 08-Jan-18 06:03:23

Thanks Kleinzeit, yes I did have post natal depression with him and sometimes I wonder if I still am? In the day he is a happy boy he does play and stuff it’s just he doesn’t do the basic things he should be doing like waving pointing, talking only thing he does is walk babble and clap so I will do what you say and make an appointment thank you it’s just nice to let it out to someone who doesn’t know you thank you

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