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Coping with a two year old when pregnant.

(8 Posts)
Lightning88 Sun 31-Dec-17 20:12:48

Hi all, I'm mostly posting this to vent, but it'd be lovely to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation before.

I have a gorgeous, though strong willed little girl of 27 months. She's very clever, but very strong willed. She's never been an easy child, but in October when I fell pregnant with baby number two, some serious regression started.

We've never really talked about the baby to her loads. Occasionally we'll ask her where the baby is and she'll reply 'in my mummies tummy' and sometimes we will ask her if she will help us with the baby and she seems excited about changing nappies etc! But we don't go on about it on a daily basis.

Anyway, in the last month she has been a nightmare. She would sleep through the night 7-7. 30 (she doesn't nap! Gave that up at 22 months!!) but now she'll wake atleast twice a night. I go in first and give her a cuddle before putting her back down, then if she starts again, daddy goes in and repeats. Usually she'll go off after this until the next waking.

She was pretty much potty trained in October and one day she just decided to give it up. She knows what to do, she's smart.... but it feels like she is too lazy to use the potty anymore as she just gets distracted and won't sit on it anymore. We gave it a break for six weeks as advised by the health visitor, but going back to it now, it's a struggle to even get her to sit on it and she runs off when we say 'Shall we go and do a wee and get a sticker?'

Her behaviour is getting worse too. I guess it's all part of the terrible twos, but she is so angry all the time it feels and even though I try and keep her mind active by taking her out, doing activities with her and as often as I can letting her see her toddler friends, she still gets angry. I don't expect her to be a Saint, but it's just so sad how much her behaviour has changed in the last few months.

She seems to be an angel for my mum when she goes there twice a week whilst I work, it's almost like it's just at home with me and hubby when she plays up. I know they can do no wrong in their grandparents eyes, but honestly... When she's round there with my mum, she's so chilled.

Food. She's literally given up using cutlery now when again, she was doing so well..

This pregnancy, I was so happy when I fell, but now I am terrified. I feel I've failed as a mother with my daughter and I don't know how I'm going to cope with another one particularly with how she seems to be now. I am under alot of stress at work, but I do try and hide that and try not to bring my problems home and show them infront of her.

I'm just feeling so low and lost. Everytime I try and tackle one problem with her, another one seems to arise and I just don't know what to do, what to tackle first or how I'm going to cope with two.

Sorry for ranting. I just needed that out my system. It probably sounds really petty.

Xx

OP’s posts: |
EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Mon 01-Jan-18 11:07:02

I think it sounds pretty normal, you’re not really doing anything wrong. I would stop mentioning the baby altogether at the moment. You can get some books on having a new baby like Topsy & Tim’s New Baby and There’s a House Inside My Mummy. I’d just get a couple of those and read them to her occasionally.

Night waking is pretty normal too. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers? It might help but also, you might find that her sleep returns to normal once you stop mentioning the baby.

As for the potty training. I’d just stop completely for now and not mention it at all. For a start, potty trying is so much easier when the weather warms up. I found this book really helpful. It’s not a prescriptive how to but includes lots of tips from real parents who’ve been through it. Once the weather warms, and she’s got fewer layers on, she might change her mind.

If work is stressful, are you able to make sometime for you to relax? Are you doing anything like pregnancy yoga?

It’s also perfectly normal for them to be an angel for other people and horrendous for you.

If you’re after sone tips on how to cope once baby arrives, there are sone great ones on Kellymom. You’ll be fine smile

Lightning88 Mon 01-Jan-18 11:16:54

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to write me a long reply. I really appreciate it.

I actually have the 'There's a house inside my mummy' book for her and it's one of her favourites! We read it five nights straight once! But I will look into the Topsy and Tim ones as she does love that show.

I'll invest in that potty training book when I get paid next week too and we've sort of accepted to give it a break till spring now. I do still have it out though so she can see it and use it on her terms till we go back to it properly in spring. I think I just got disheartened as I was hoping she'd be out of nappies in the daytime before the next one arrived.

I get my evenings to relax when she goes to bed once housework has been done. I'll look into the yoga thing too.

Again, thanks for the reply, advice and for reading smile

OP’s posts: |
buckyou Mon 01-Jan-18 11:37:02

Sorry you are having a bad time. My daughter was a younger when I was pregnant (12 months - 21 months) but god she was a complete nightmare at that age!!! It was such a hard time. She got the terrible two's early!!! I did think to myself quite often 'why am I having another baby again!?'

But you know, the baby is 9 months now, he's been a really easy baby and DD turned a corner at about 2. She's still a bit naughty (had major drama this week fighting over baby's trike he got for Christmasangry) but she's loads better than she was.

Just keep thinking 'it's just a phase' and how you will benefit when they are little buddies when they are a bit older.smile

Lightning88 Mon 01-Jan-18 15:25:37

buckyou - That's comforting to hear, thank you. Glad you got through it and are coping better now smile

OP’s posts: |
Toddlerwith1ontheway Thu 04-Jan-18 15:48:38

Ah lightning when are you due? I could have written this post! I'm due in March and when my lb turned two in September I though ah he's calmed down, but no a few weeks down the line he just turned into a typical terrible two toddler!

I totally get he's only two but I do think his behaviour has changed because I'm pregnant. He's become very clingy to me which he has never been before not even when younger. We took his dummy away at the beginning of December (to avoid jealously when baby is here) and he has been waking very early since then and plays up at bed times. It's been 5 weeks now so I can't blame the dummy anymore as he doesn't ask for it, I think it's just because he's regressing in all honesty. He now goes to be okay as he soon realised once the door is shut I won't be in untill morning, but still having some early mornings ranging from 5-6.30.

His tantrums have hit a major new level, today I had to take him out of a party because he just goes on so ridiculous over nothing. Then I have less patience being pregnant and tired so I probably don't help. He also hits a lot.

I personally continue to talk about the baby 1. As I'm 28 weeks so no hiding it and 2. It's not going anywhere he's got to get used to the idea! We have started reading new big brother books to him and he does quite like to read them and he calls it his baby which is nice. But I feel your pain when you worry about what the actual hell will happen when it's here as I'm not even looking forward to it now, how awful is that! I've booked a 4s scan for next week though as need to try and bond with it I feel as I've almost ignored the fact I'm pregnant because I'm so busy dealing with my lb.

Just wanted you to know your not the only one feeling this way! I've also heard toddler reacting like this when mums are pregnant is totally normal as they're fully aware a change is coming, apparently the first few weeks can get worse so pray for us! Xx

Lightning88 Thu 04-Jan-18 17:42:53

Toddlerwith1ontheway, oh bless you I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it sad

I've got a bit longer to go as not due till end of June, but yes... It does freak you out a bit with how the hell you'll cope with two when you're struggling with one!!

I hope your little boy will calm down for you. It's nice to know I'm not alone though.

I've tried bigging her up with the 'big sister' and 'big girl' stuff over the last few days which has helped mellow her out a bit. Like if she starts having a tantrum I tell her 'Oh dear, big girls don't do that...' sometime it works, othertimes it doesn't, but it's certainly helped! X

OP’s posts: |
34weeksAndCounting Fri 05-Jan-18 16:35:27

I fell pregnant when my eldest was a lovely happy chilled just over 10 month old....... he was nearly 20 when my youngest was born and I've always felt extremely guilty, he's an angry, sensitive child, regresses a lot with similar things you are talking about, so obviously I thought the right thing to do was have another child, I'm due in 5 weeks, will have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old and newborn. The 2 year old is a very jealous child and currently going through separation anxiety. I feel terrible, but someone pointed out to me that they may have been like this whether I'd had another child or not. My next door neighbours daughter is an only child and often regresses and has had similar patterns of behaviour! Xx

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