Toddler just smacked a little girl help me please

[Foreverhopeful22]

I took my two year old to group this morning and it was a disaster

She was playing really well then decided to smack a little girl who ended up crying. I made her apologise and told her smacking is not nice. And that she hurt the little girl , we went and sat on bench for 5 mins to calm down.

Around twenty mins later she pushed and kicked another little girl so I grabbed her told her no and again said sorry and then told her we were going home. We put coat on whilst having massive meltdown and went home.

I'm at my wits end with it. She keeps smacking and before we go anywhere we say the rule - mustn't smack anyone. It's not nice. And she repeats it. But as soon as out and playing she gets excited and smacks - the kicking is completely new. She has no siblings.

I will phone health visitor on Monday as they are not answering phone now.

Time out doesn't work it turns into a game of her running off and me putting her back.

I just don't know what to do

[Codlet]

My DS went through this phase and I did exactly what you’re doing - after only ONE warning I would take him straight home. Even if we’d just arrived / paid to enter etc. It did work after a few times.

Or you can try a reward chart. Each time you go somewhere and she plays nicely she gets a sticker. After 10 stickers she can choose a toy.

To reassure you - this is a phase that lots of toddlers go through. It doesn’t mean she’ll have behavioural issues later on. My DS is now a lovely, kind, gentle 8yo.

[Foreverhopeful22]

It seems to having been going on for around 5 months when she turned 2 she will be 3 in may.

The worst bit is she really is loving and kind at times and I mean most of the time

I will try the reward chart

I'll try anything

[Lovebehindthefool]

It is normal for some children though op, she is so little try not to worry. Just keep being firm and removing her from the situation. This may be controversial but I would probably avoid busy groups for a while whilst she goes through this phase. Go to groups that are less pressure on you both and less frustrating for her. Yes she has to learn but perhaps take a step back for now to allow her time to adjust to her temper.

[MaryLizzie]

It is usual. Please don’t worry. At this age they are working out what has a reaction and sometimes don’t have the conversational skills to make their feelings heard. It will pass. I would recommend the positive reinforcement as it seems to work more at this age than punishments as they often struggle to put the action and punishment together. 😊 best of luck! I am sure it is a phase that will be short lived.

[Imaginosity]

Doesn't sound unusual to me at that age - my older children still hit each other on occassions when they get overwhelmed or fristrated - but thankfully its becoming less often now! They are 6 and 8 years old. You often hear of pre-school children in nurserys going through stages of biting and hitting.

Eventually, she will get some control over her reactions but I would shadow her closely when she's with other children for now so you might be able to intervene before she hits.

[Rainatnight]

I feel for you as my DD (18 months) is the same. Has been hitting us when she's tired and frustrated and I always thought 'oh well, at least she's not hitting other kids'. And of course, twice in the last week, she's gone and hit another kid. I find it absolutely mortifying.

She is otherwise extremely lovely, loving, good at 'sharing', and her verbal skills are really excellent, which I'd have thought would help with the frustration but obviously not!

I've taken her out of the situation each time. One of the incidents was in a children's centre and the worker there clearly thought I was over-reacting but I'd much rather nip it in the bud.

At home we've been saying firmly 'no hitting' or 'we don't hit', but we're considering also putting her down when she does it, as it's been going on for a while at home now.

I do think it's normal though. I know other kids who were hitters, biters and scratchers and have all turned out fine.

Will watch this thread for other ideas!

[Rainatnight]

Oh I've also been doing lots of positive reinforcement when she doesn't hit. She played really nicely with another little girl today and I gave her loads of praise.